The Top Of The Mountain ✔️~ trixya

When I See You

Trixie's laying wrapped up in my arms, her warmth pressed against me. I just came back to bed after taking a smoke by the window, never being able to go too long without one. My bedroom is still dark, but already the morning sun is threatening to break the calm cloak of the starry night sky, a new day waiting to arrive.

"You were right, you know..." Trixie says as she stares up at the ceiling. 

"Right about what?" I ask.

"About me... That day in the classroom, when you said that I'd one day wake up and realize that I had spent my whole life rushing towards my next goal, and not a second on enjoying what I've achieved. I don't think I fully realized it until I started to struggle to write anything new, but truth is I had nothing new to write about, I had no true life off stage. I think I felt a need to constantly stay in motion, 'cause maybe if I was always running towards something I wouldn't ever have pause to question myself or my talents. I felt like if I just built a wall of achievements, then I'd never have to question if I was special or worth anything, and others wouldn't either." 

"Oh Trixie..."

"You're lucky, you know? You've got the support of your dads, you've always had that... And no matter what you wanted to do they always seemed to understand. My family was never like that." Trixie says, sorrow filling her eyes.

"What were they like?" I ask her. 

"In my family... it was all about one-upping each other, being the best. If my cousin got an A, then I had to win a scholarship. If my dad got promoted, then my uncle had to post photos of himself whilst having dinner with some celebrity. No one was ever happy for each other's successes, an achievement was just another record to surpass. When I first said that I wanted to be a musician my mom said that it was a waste of time, that it wasn't the type of career a Mattel went after."  She explains.

"How did you convince her then? 'Cause I mean, it was pretty well-known at school that you were planning on being a singer." I say.

"My grandpa played guitar and he pushed for it because he thought I had talent. The rivalry mostly came from my dad's side of the family, so since he's my mom's dad, he didn't really care if it was something my parents could brag about or not. But he did bring up to my mom that none of my cousins were particularly skilled musically and that they'd therefor have a hard time beating any achievements I got from music. So, she agreed to let me be a singer if I got into Julliard and managed to get signed within the following year."

"That explains why you practiced after school so much... You must've felt so much pressure." I say, the Trixie Mattel patterned puzzle pieces in my head finally starting to connect into a full image. She is more complex then I thought back when I was younger, her puzzle one with seemingly too many corners for the board, and yet they all make perfect sense to me now. All her pieces now fitting together effortlessly.

"I did... I still do... I mean, nothing's good enough for them now either, especially not now that my releases aren't even doing as well anymore." Trixie admitted.

"Well, maybe for this one you could just listen to the voice in your own head instead of those belonging to others? Don't let this album be another time where you rush towards a goal, and instead write about what you want. Use this as your time to make mistakes and take risks, and live a little. Write this album as just Trixie, not as a Mattel." 

"I like that idea." Trixie says with a small smile. "And that should be the title."

"What?" I ask confused. 

"For the album. I think it should be called Just Trixie."

"Just Trixie." I say, considering the name before I pull her closer and kiss the top of her head softly. "I think that's perfect."