tears of rain (sam kiszka)

i'll watch you bloom

Summer of 2016

"Astrid, listen," Sam commanded from the desk in the corner of his spacious room. I turned my head from the ceiling, to the side, and stared at him from his queen sized bed.

He unplugged his headphones from his amp, and played a tune on his bass.

Once he was finished I smiled softly. "Sounds good," I replied weakly.

A few hours earlier that day, Rachel had approached me in the parking lot of the grocery store.

Mrs. Kiszka had asked Sam and I to run a few errands for her, and we happily obliged.

Rachel was on the corner of the street begging for money, as she did. Her sign read "Mother. Hungry. God Bless," on it, as if the whole community didn't know I was no longer in her care. She preyed on the kindness of tourists.

Sam parked and noticed my sudden shift in mood. "You alright?" he asked. I glanced at him in the driver's seat for a moment, then back at Rachel across the street. I knew she had seen me as Sam turned into the parking lot. Sam knew right away that I wasn't alright.

Rachel ran up erratically as Sam and I approached the entrance to the store. "Brittney!" she called.

Shelby legally changed my name when I was a kid. She said Brittney didn't suit me, and I agreed.

"Britt!" I heard again. I turned around seeing the frail frame of the woman who gave me life. "Oh god," I said under my breath. Sam looked down at me. "You sure you're okay?" he asked. I just stared as her fragile body as she crossed into the parking lot. I looked back up at him with a helpless look. He gave my shoulder a squeeze. "You can do this," he whispered.

Her long red hair was thin and tied into a ponytail. Her face was gaunt with scabs picked all over her olive skin. She nearly sprinted toward me. "Hi honey," she said hugging me tightly. I kept my arms to the side, and she caught her breath in my ear. "Look at you!" she held my shoulders out in front of her. Her hand raised up to cup my face. I flinched as her dirty hand met my soft, pale, cheek. "You look so beautiful," she smelled like cigarettes, body odor, and motor oil. She looked worse than I had ever seen her. "Who-Who's this?" she asked, pointing to Sam, and scratching the skin on her arm nearly off. I stared down at my beat up converse. "Britt?" she asked. I looked up, embarrassed. I could tell she was tweaked out on something. The ditches on her arm were almost black from the bruising.

"Uh- This is Sam," I said, looking into her big, brown, sunken, eyes. Her eyes darted from me to Sam and then her thin eyebrows furrowed. "Shelby didn't tell me you had a boyfriend," My cheeks got red. Mortified, I shook my head. "No- He's just my friend," I said. Her eyebrow raised and she looked at Sam. Sam put his hand out to shake Rachel's hand. I wanted to slap the shit out of his hand.

"Nice to meet you," he said pleasantly. I stood in fear as they shook hands. "We've got to go," I said abruptly after their pleasantries. Rachel's facial expression changed from kind to erratic. "Britt before you go, honey," she said, grabbing my wrist. I knew what was coming next. She smiled, and it looked like she lost a few more teeth. "Could you loan me some cash, I'm just a little short on rent," she grabbed my hand. Shelby always told me never to give her money if she asked. I looked at her, tears welting up in my eyes. I took my wrist back. "I'm- I'm sorry. I don't have any cash on me,"

Her demeanor changed. She straightened up her back, and stuck her hands in the pockets of her shorts. Her shorts hung off her protruding hip bones. Rachel nodded and looked around. "Okay," she said. She softly patted the side of my arm. "Shelbs has my new phone number, ask her for it and call me sometime," she said, almost pleading. I just stared at her. She awkwardly walked towards me, and gave me another hug before taking off again, without a word.