tears of rain (sam kiszka)

heat above

We sat at the wooden table staring at each other. Sam took sips of beer every so often.

I looked down at the chipped black polish on my nails. The kitchen light was dim. Sam sighs.

"Astrid-," he started, with a sigh.

I brought my attention to him, nervously biting the inside of my bottom lip, and chipping the nail polish away.

I wanted to scream at him, and cry in his arms simultaneously, but I kept a stoic face.

"Astrid listen," he sighed. "I'm sorry for pressuring you. I have a lot on my plate right now career-wise. I'm sorry I've taken it out on you," he said. I stared blankly at him.

I swallowed the saliva in my mouth and nodded.

"Okay," I said, weakly, my voice cracking. I cleared my throat, and repeated myself clearer.

"Okay," I said.

Sam looked at me with a weird look. He furrowed his eyebrows.

"I'm sorry too, just- 'cuz," I shrugged. "I've been neurotic," I looked down at my nails again.

"Do you think.. Maybe we went into this too fast?" I asked, glancing up at him.

His big brown eyes stared holes into my head. He shook his head. "Do you?" he asked.

I shrugged. "I don't know, Sammy. I just don't want what happened before, to happen again,"

Sam looked down and his cheeks glazed over pink. "I just- I don't know," I struggled to get the words out, folding my arms over my chest, and adjusting my body weight on the wooden chair. "I just hope this wasn't you just trying to make your peace with me, then never talking to me again,"

He shook his head. "This is absolutely not that at all,"

Senior year, after winter break

I quickly moused around the hallways trying to make it out the doors to eat lunch in my car. I kept my head low, staring at my shoes hitting the stiff, brown carpet. I was almost at the door when a body stopped me in my tracks, spilling everything out of the binder I was holding.  My pink water bottle went flying. He was a big bulky guy from whatever sport he played's team. His friends surrounded him, just giggling and staring at me.

"Sorry," he snickered, walking away with his friends. Him and his crew started walking away, "Thanks for the help, asshole," I muttered to myself. I stared at all the college ruled paper, my folders, and planner all laying out on the ground. Teenagers stepping on it with no care in the world. I dropped down to my knees, sighing, and gathering all my things. I packed everything nice and secure, and I stood up quickly.

I haphazardly pushed the door to get out and I smacked someone with it. I looked up quickly and started profusely apologizing.

Then I saw his smile. He laughed and opened the door all the way open. "Hey," he said. "Trying to take me out?" he laughed. Sam stood in front of me, with Danny trailing behind him. Danny gave me a small wave and a smile. My cheeks flushed to a pale white and all the blood left
my head. Sam looked down, and bent over. He grabbed my water bottle  from the corner of the hall. I just stood there staring at them. I smiled uncomfortably. I suddenly processed that maybe I should respond like a normal person. "Yeah, haha," I replied with an almost straight face. He handed me my water bottle. I grabbed it, accidentally grabbing his fingers. "Sorry," I said, quickly taking the metal bottle from his hand. Sam stretched his lips into a thin smile. "Al-alright. See you around, Astrid," he said, walking past me. My head followed his direction and I stared at him and Danny walking down the halls. I was breathing heavily, panicked, I speed walked to my car.