Recover: Book 2 of the Magic Mutations Series | ✓

58: Let Her Go

Emerging from the bedroom on Christmas day, still wearing my pyjamas, I squinted in the light as I followed the source of the smell.

The burdens on my heart felt lighter knowing I had shed some truth to Ben, even if I was still masking a lot. But it made my outlook on everything better.

As I walked past Ollie on the couch, evidently looking at me, waiting for me to meet her gaze, I did my best to ignore her out of fairness to Ben. Because, while I still had feelings for her, I had to ensure I did whatever I could to dull them. Which meant no more longing stares, as well as avoiding personal conversations with her.

"That smells amazing," I mumbled to Erica and Jayce as I peered at the spread they were assembling.

Erica gave me a small smile, concern swirling in her gaze as she was evidently curious to how things unfolded once they had stepped out, but she didn't press for anything. "Can you set the table?" she did ask though.

Nodding, I rummaged through the drawers for cutlery, glasses, and the like, slowly walking them over. But as I did walk to the table, passing Ollie again on the way, I couldn't help my head turning, meeting her gaze.

You barely lasted a couple of minutes, my conscience scolded.

Yeah, well... small steps. 

Worry permeated her face as her eyes took me in. But before she could see too much, I looked ahead, telling myself that was the only glance I could allow myself this morning.

Almost as if on cue, Ben emerged from the bedroom, heading straight to her and making a very obvious display of affection—rubbing salt into my wounds.

But before they could exchange too much saliva, Erica thankfully cut them off.

"Now that we are all up, shall we do presents?" Erica cheered.

With that, we all retreated back to our rooms, fetching the gifts we had brought along for each other. 

Staring between the two I had brought along for Ollie, I heaved a small sigh as I grabbed the one I knew was time to give her, and then headed back to the living room.

Gift-giving was honestly a tiring affair. Ollie and Erica relished in the process, being way too excited for their presents—even though Erica evidently knew everything she was getting and got the exact same present from me, Ben, and Jayce.

But then the moment came. 

Pulling the warmest smile I could, as every single memory of us flashed through my eyes, I handed over her present. As Ollie pried it from my hand, my mind whispered, Goodbye, Ollie.

And just like in the library on the first day we met, and just like when I came to woo her heart before Ben came into the picture, she eagerly grinned at it, evidently already knowing it was a book.

In an absolute haste, she tore the paper away, desperate to uncover what was underneath. And as the final shred of wrapping fell to the floor, her eyes caressing the cover, her jaw dropped and tears sprung to her eyes.

Then, ever so slowly, she turned her gaze upwards, pain echoing across the way, stopping me for the slightest moment to wonder if the part of her that loved me, buried deep in the memories she couldn't remember, knew what I was saying.

But she rapidly blinked the tears away and forced a smile onto her face, and I did my best to return it.

Ben's gaze flickered between the two of us, realising something was going on. But he didn't press.

Because as she eagerly exclaimed, "An original edition? Jane Eyre by Currer Bell? How on earth did you get this?" Ben knew she didn't understand its meaning, and Ben knew it meant a lot to me to give to her. Even if he didn't know why. Even if he'd never understand that I had promised her many months ago that I'd only give her this if she were in my arms again... or there never was a chance for us anymore.