Recover: Book 2 of the Magic Mutations Series | ✓

71: Gravity of Guilt

August, 2018

The gravity of the guilt caused by our grieving—hers more than mine—stabbed me at all sides.

Ben was gone.

He was really gone.

The boy who pined after me for years... who followed me around... who was a constant in my life full of affection and adoration no one had really afforded me until I met Ollie... was really gone.

Another person lost at the hands of my uncle.

And now Ollie was in the throes of a broken bond—a pain I will never forget feeling.

Deep.

Harrowing.

Emptying.

I remembered it all too well from when I lost Anja... And now Ollie felt it. All because of me. All because I wiped her memory.

If anything happens... take her and run, the memory of Ben whispered to me.

Pulling myself back to the present, eyes red and raw, ribcage still throbbing, and Olivia's shocks only making the pain I was feeling ten times worse, I finally pushed her away from me.

She wasn't finished crying.

Far from it.

But, "We need to go, Ollie. I know it hurts, but we need to leave. I need you to be strong for a moment longer."

Fear at once consumed her eyes and she became frantic. Shivers ran over her body, hands shaking, bottom lip quivering as she whimpered, "We can't just leave him here." Leaving would be us admitting that he was gone... she wasn't ready to accept that yet.

But she needed to. "I can't keep an eye on you and bury his body," I forced out, heart throbbing even more than my rib as I announced the harsh truth.

Who would bury him?

Stephen?

Where would he be buried?

"We have to go," I went on, trying to not let my mind dip into the well of worries that came with the thought of burying Ben... of acknowledging his death. "Ben," I forced out his name, "And I said, if something like this happens, our priority is getting you away safely."

His name unended her. That familiar waterfall of tears bubbling out as she shook from his absence. Barely holding herself upright, she pleaded, "Your uncle is dead. Why do we have to go?"

The memory of my uncle unshackling me a week after leaving me in the basement with Anja's beheaded body came back in that moment.

And even when he did unchain me... I spent another week with her body, crying all over again that I had lost her. Ruminating in regret. But eventually I knew I had to let her go. I had to accept that she was gone... and nothing would bring her back.

Or, at least... that was the plan. Until my uncle whispered in my ear that there was a man in the Czech republic who made deals with Death.

Taking a deep breath, I said to Olivia, "Just because the leader is killed, doesn't mean there aren't others who agree with his plans. We don't want to be here if they arrive before my parents or Stephen."

But that last bit was the wrong thing to say. "We can't let Stephen see Ben," she panicked, her tears seemingly an endless supply.

I uselessly brushed at her face, as though drying the wall of water would somehow keep her steady. But she wouldn't be like that for a long time. "I know," I whispered, not wanting to put this on the man myself... Trying to not think about how I will ever face him again. "But we have to. The longer we stay, the less chance we have to put distance between us and whomever may be coming."