Untangle Me

Chapter 49

Giada

I don't want to talk about it. Fuck, not yet. My emotions are still so messy and the thought of saying the words "I can't have children" leaves a sour taste in the back of my mouth. And to have to explain that my eggs are simply not good enough?

I start crying again, to which Andrea tries to pull open my car door. It's locked. And I know this is childish and pathetic but instead of opening it, I bury my face in my hands and try to pull myself together.

"Giada! Come on, let me in. Talk to me," Andrea yells against the window.

Without looking up, I unlock the car. The door flies open. Two warm arms pull me against a solid body.

"Hey, shh. Please, don't cry. What happened? What can I do?" he asks hurriedly.

"I'm sorry," I simply mutter against him. Sorry for what exactly? Not sure.

Maybe for breaking down so pathetically. Maybe for getting my tears and snot all over his shirt. Probably mostly for being broken.

"Don't be. For whatever you're thinking about, don't be," he insists and it makes me cry harder. Why does he have to be such an amazing person? It'll make losing him so much harder.

And it makes me even more sure that I will lose him because I know he'll be an amazing father and I won't be the one keeping that from him.

"Talk to me, Sweetheart. What happened? Did the doctor say something?" his voice turns a bit more strained as if he didn't like the thought of that at all. I nod against him. He stiffens. "Are you sick?" he asks slowly.

I shake my head and pull away from him a little. I'm still in my seat which makes our whole situation a little awkward but might as well get it over with. At least if he leaves now, he won't have to walk through my whole apartment first.

I clear my throat, wrap my arms around myself for a semblance of comfort and stare at my knees. "Sorry, I'm fine," I start off. It's a lie and we both know it. Silent tears are still running down my face while my heart is tearing once again. My head is throbbing, leaving me dizzy and all I want to do is sleep. Or take a shower.

I don't even know.

"You're not fine, Baby. What happened?" I can see him reaching out for me again out of the corner of my eyes but when I turn away further, his hand never settles on me. That evokes a mix of relief and sadness.

"Well, turns out I can't have children," I announce brokenly, followed by a watery chuckle. For a second, Andrea is so silent I'm not even sure he's still there. And that just hurts more, the rejection stinging like a thousand needles all over my body.

I tighten my hands around my arms and dig my nails into my skin. Just to focus on something else than the sinking feeling in my gut. My tears come harder, my lungs struggling with each breath I force myself to take quietly.

At this point, I'm not even sure what I'm crying over. The babies I'll never have or the fact that Andrea still hasn't said anything. Maybe it's selfish but I expected a different reaction. Even if he ended up breaking things off between us in the long run, I figured he would have hugged me first at least. Seeing as I'm kind of falling apart, you know.

I turn my head slightly, just enough to make out the man's shoes next to my car. Suddenly, I wish we had held this conversation in my apartment. There, I could have gone into hiding beneath the sheets of my bed. Or curled in on myself on my couch.

Here, there's nothing for me to do. Here, I'm trapped.

Unable to help myself, I add, "I'm sorry." Along with the words, a heavy sob escapes me. And fuck it hurts. I feel so broken right now and everything hurts. Literal, physical pain even though there shouldn't be.

I try to push Andrea away from my door and get to my feet. I don't want to stay out here. I just want to go inside, take a painkiller for the agony in my temples and fall asleep. I need a break to calm down, then I'll stop overreacting.

My legs are wobbly, my knees nearly giving out beneath me when I take my first step. But then I'm not on my feet at all.

It happens so suddenly that I don't even realize Andrea's carrying me until we're already on my front porch. He unlocks the door with the key I gave him recently- made sense since I always fell asleep and left him standing outside- and heads straight for my room. My eyes are squeezed shut, my whole body stiff but I know the way by heart.

Only when he lays me on my bed, tucks me in, and leaves the room altogether do I open my eyes.

He just left? Wow.

Just when I thought my heart couldn't shatter in tinier pieces. But now here we are, the hole in my stomach ripping open wider and sucking in all my intestines until I'm completely hollow.

Not sure how long I rock on my bed like a pathetic cry-baby, hugging my knees to my chest and clenching my teeth to distract from the horrible feeling I can't shake. But at some point, I'm not alone anymore.

The bed dips beneath a different weight and I open my puffy eyes to see Andrea. I can't hide my surprise that he's still here and dumbly ask, "You haven't left?"

He winces, his jaw clenching but his expression turns so soft it punctures a whole new hole into my chest. He slowly shakes his head. "No. Fuck, shit, no, of course not. God, I'm sorry. No, I made you tea. Cazzo, that was stupid, I'm sorry. I thought you might want it because it helps with your period cramps.

"Which I know is not the same as this. I just thought it might help." He blows out a breath, scooting closer and pulling me into his arms again. "You thought I left," he sounds pained. "Baby, I'm sorry. Of course, I didn't leave."

I shake my head against him, unable to find my words. He brushes my mess of hair away from my face even as I lay in his lap like a beaten dog. "Not baby," I croak. I like it when he calls me that but right now it feels like salt to the wound.

He curses again. "I'm sorry. Sweetheart, please stop crying. Tell me what I can do, please. Seeing you like this hurts so bad. Dai, Tesoro."

"Come on, Sweetheart.)

And I wish I could help him. I wish I could pull myself together and just suck it up already but I don't think I can. "Sorry," is all I get out. Perhaps if I were selfless, I'd tell him to leave. But fuck if that isn't the last thing I want.

"Don't apologize. You did nothing wrong, I didn't mean that. Please just tell me what to do," he begs softly. His hands run up and down my trembling arms and a bit of the pressure on my lungs eases up.

"Stay," I utter hoarsely.

"Of course. I'm not going anywhere." Then he lies down with me, adjusting us so I'm curled up with my back against his front and his strong arms encircling me, making me feel safe. Soon enough, the tremor in my body stops, my tears dry, the emptiness inside of me recedes and everything seems a little less horrible.

Surprisingly, I didn't wake up after this memory. At least I don't think I did since the scenery changed to some strange dreams afterward. By the time I did wake up, sunlight was already streaming through the windows.

I was so glad. God, despite the lingering feelings of the memory, I was so happy to have slept through the whole night I instantly wanted to tell Andrea. Then I looked around me and found myself alone and I hate to admit my enthusiasm died instantly.

I can't think of a reason why Andrea would sneak out on me but as usual, the memory I relived tonight has left a trace and nasty insecurities snake their way through my mind.

I try to ignore them as I leave the comfort of the warm bed and gather the few things I took to this room. Then I head to my own where my shopping bags from yesterday await me. Still, the one thing I might've been hoping for isn't here.

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Here is part two:))

I am so sorry I only now realized I didn't upload this yesterday evening😭

Hope u enjoyed this as much as I liked writing it hahaha bc I live for the drama and the story was lacking.

Anyway, you know the drill... have a great day, y'all<3