Right Where You Left Me

apologies

I find Alex sitting alone in a booth at Jagged Edge.

I open the door and duck inside, away from the rain and cold outside. But Alex doesn't look up to see me. She just stares anxiously at her intertwined fingers and bounces her knee.

"Haven't seen you in a minute," Kit calls as he mixes sauce in a pot.

I laugh and reach across the counter to greet Kit with our handshake. He leans back on his heels and looks at me. "You're soaked."

"I know," I say. "But it's kind of an urgent matter."

Kit's face melts into concern. "What's wrong?"

I nod over at Alex. "I need you to make me two milkshakes. And maybe grab a box of tissues."

He doesn't question my offer, but simply nods knowingly. "Good luck," he says.

I nod and slide into the seat across from Alex.

She looks up worriedly when she sees me, and her expression morphs into relief. "Thank god," she says. "I'm so sorry, Adya. I didn't know Kate would be so aggressive. I'm not mad at you, I just -"

"Alex?" I say, cutting her off. "I'm in the wrong here. And I'm so, so sorry. I don't want an apology from you. I just want to sit and talk to you." I pause and meet her eyes. "Okay?"

She nods quickly. "Okay," she says.

I lean back and take a sip of the milkshake Kit hands me. "How are you doing?"

"Shitty," she replies. "Really fucking shitty. My dad left and my mom is trying to get a restraining order. But it's so-" Her voice breaks a bit. "It's so scary. I'm not even safe in my own fucking town anymore."

"If you ever feel unsafe," I say gently, "You can hang at our house. Nate's more than happy to help."

"Thank you," she says. "Kate kind of convinced me to be mad at you. Like sure, you didn't really reach out, but I don't blame you. You're struggling, and you use alcohol to cope." She smiles sadly. "Who doesn't? But you saved me, Adya. You and Nate saved me. You didn't even hesitate to leave in the middle of the night to find me and help keep me safe. You could've never spoken to me again after the whole ordeal, and I would still love you because you are so selfless. You always put others first."

I frown. "Kate convinced you to be mad at me?" I question.

She nods. "I think I need to sit down and have a conversation with her. I don't want a controlling relationship. I want to figure out my feelings and deal with them myself."

"I think that's a really good idea," I say.

"How are you doing?" Alex asks, and something about the simplicity of that question, knowing that someone wants to know how I'm doing, almost makes me break down into tears.

I take a long sip of my milkshake. "Not good," I admit. "I fucked up. A lot."

"What happened?" she asks, furrowing her brows.

"Nate and I kissed on New Years," I say. "And then I said some fucked up shit to him."

"Hold on," Alex says. "You kissed him, and you didn't tell me?"

"I kissed him, and proceeded to be drunk and possibly high for the next 72 hours," I correct her.

"What happened?" she says. "I thought you couldn't stand him. Isn't he fucking Kim or something?"

"Or something," I mutter. "Yeah, he's fucking Kim. But they're not exclusive."

"Never go for a taken man," she advises. "Even if they say they're not taken. No one can handle the emotional turmoil of fucking two girls at once."