Childhood

Chapter 4

He cheated on me. For a third of our relationship. Sexting other girls and sending pictures which I found out not from him. Instead I found out from the girl herself.

I don't know what to believe anymore but I've left it in the past so I can move on. He lost my trust and as a result of that our relationship started to fail.

Joseph, my ex, told me that it was true but that he would change and all that crap. He gave up. He let me go, without an actual committed fight. I should have realised then that he wasn't the guy for me but I was so hurt and pushed away that I forgave him and told him he had to gain my trust back.

At the time I made a friend on fb who sent me a friend request. His name was Reece. He was charming but I made it clear that I like him as a friend and didn't want to do anything.

When I spoke to Joseph about him, he investigated and realised that the guy was only trying to break us up because he was obsessed with a girl called Danny but she liked my ex. Danny and Joseph also sent nudes to each other I found out later and they were still friends. She messaged me on that night and told me why I should stay with Joseph. Told me that she loved him but wanted him to be happy. Whether they still are friends, I don't know and I couldn't care less.

The most confusing part of this was that Reece apparently impersonated the main girl who sext and sent pictures to my ex. How fucked up is that!? All that time it was apparently him who was talking to both of us.

I don't know what to believe in that topic anymore. Something my ex told me whom I don't trust or something that seems so messed up but could be possible. All that trouble for revenge.

The night I found out I was extremely upset and lay in bed at my grandmother house crying my eyes out, gasping for air. That was the first time I cut. That was the spark that set everything in motion.

The reason we broke up was because Joseph left me to go back to his own ex. What hurts the most Is that I trusted him when he said that he wouldn't do it and that he loved her like a cousin. Bull****. He backstabbed me. I'm sure other people have felt his before too and can relate that it really knocks your trust in everyone and you become scared to be in another relationship.
Oh well, he was a good friend. Not the best boyfriend however. I just hope he doesn't cheat again because no one deserves that. I hope he can be happy with himself and that his relationship
works out.

What's interesting is that he cheated whilst with the girl he left me for, before dating me. She didn't know that. She's still close friends with the girl. I could have wrecked it for them but I didn't. I am not that kind of person and I never want to be. What they do with their lives is up to them.

Do you ever look back into your past and think " why the f*** did I do that, why did i date that person". I have done that a couple of times, but I guess if what happened didn't happen then I wouldn't be me.

It wasn't until recently that I removed him from my life. He stayed around and acted like nothing happened, being my friend. In his defence he was good at giving advice but I couldn't deal with having him in my life any longer. I had moved on.

The pain of the breakup and the cheating drive me to lose more weight and cut more and more. It wasn't until a bit after that my family realised what I was doing and tried to get me help.

Stupidly I got into another relationship shortly afterwards because I wanted to feel loved again. I know it sounds ridiculous but I met him with my friend Rihanna on omegle. He fell in love with me after we started fb messaging, skyping and after a month I had really really strong feelings for him too. If you haven't noticed, I haven't said I loved my ex's. At the time I did on some level but I do not any longer so I don't refer to it as ️love.

It was what happened during our relationship when he left as an exchange student from Germany to America that broke us up.

My trust in people has been damaged and instead I am insecure and reluctant to talk to people unless I trust them. Even the people closest to me i trusted but they let me down.