P.S : Who loves you the most ?!

Hurting

       " The truth is never as painful as discovering a lie."

       Waking up one morning with a very bad feeling after an awful nightmare, I video called George. It was early in the morning so I was not sure if he is awake or not, but something was telling me that I really need to hear his voice. He didn't pick up the phone, but after 10 minutes he called me back having just a normal call. He sounded sleepy and after he assured me that he is good, I found out about their last minute, last night party.
     I insisted a bit for him to have a video-call but he was finding excuses, and before I hang up the phone I heard some women voices around him .
     Lately I was feeling very insecure on myself, the distance making it more overwhelming and those years between us even more. I was trying to keep myself busy in that day with school and going out with my friends, including Sergio who now was really close with Elle, after their summer together. I was still not sure if something serious is between them or it is just a friendship.
    - What's up with you today ? Sergio is asking me analysing my expressions .
    - Nothing much, just not in a very good mood. I was trying to avoid telling him all my concerns about my long distance relationship, even if he was feeling me and knowing me so good.
    - Alright, however you want, but you know I am here if you wanna talk. He was not happy knowing very good that I was lying.

     All I was doing lately was counting the days till George will visit me . Even if I was not sure when , I was trying to guess and hope it will be sooner than I am expecting it.
      During the night we talked over the phone, but something was off , he said his roommates brought some girls over from the party. I was really trying to believe him and not overthinking it . But the way he was talking with me, in a defensive mood and with the voice raised put me off straight away. My instincts were telling me he was lying.
        The next day I've decided I need to concentrate on myself, so I will not go completely mad. My plans were to start being better at studies, to read more, do more of the things I love and find out what I really want for my future.
        I've always saw around me bad experiences in relationships from my friends, boys lying or cheating and that made me have less and less trust in man. Even more I was a feminist from when I was a little girl . Always I was defending girls in school , and go into fights with boys. I really had a strong character and a loud voice when it was about something I really believed in.
        I knew that I want to be a strong and intelligent women and a very independent one. I didn't know if I am trusting George anymore and what will happen with us .

" Time doesn't change,
time reveals..."

      Our long term relationship was making us slowly  to fall apart. It was harder to find the time to talk over the phone as my school was getting harder and his jobs shifts were quite unpredictable. The messages were more cold between us and my trust was almost gone.
At school I've started being very good in Mathematics and Informatics and even if my dream from a little girl was to become a police officer, soon I've realised I am very good in Mathematics. It was like a therapy for me where all my thoughts and worries were flying away. When you resolve a problem you put all your concentration in there and you forget the outside world for a bit.
       My situation was not pink at all. I've started to loose my hope in love, getting a bit cold with my friends but really concentrating on my studies and carrier as it was the only thing that was keeping my mind occupied. I've realised I would love to work with kids, having the compassion and the patience necessary to become a teacher, the little girls dream changed completely. From becoming a police officer to becoming a Maths Teacher.
Having the summer holiday close again I knew that soon I will see George. I was excited and nervous in the same time. I knew that this will determine our future, was something strange with me from when I was little. Sometimes I was having strong feelings about a situation and after things were really happening exactly how I was feeling it.

       Friday afternoon after school my cousin was calling me.
       - I need you to come over . She said with a kind of excitement in her voice.
       - Hello to you as well, I am good ... how are you ? I pretended not to hear her first words.
       - I cannot tell you more. I need you to be here as soon as you can.
       - Viki, what is going on ? I've started to be a bit worried.
       - Nothing , can you just listen to me and come over. Thank you. See you soon !

       Lately she was seeing a guy and apparently hey fallen in love with each other quite quickly, almost love at first sight she said. I was really happy for her, so I tough when I received the call that something might have happened between them.
       I've reached her street as soon as I could, told my mum I am going over and not sure how much I am staying as I have some important things to sort out with my cousin.
       I'll never forget that day. A beautiful sunny day , which supposed to give you lots of happiness and energy. Still I was a bit melancholic.
     As I got close to her house I am seeing a tall guy who seems to be George with a big bouquet of blue roses in his hands.
      It can't be possible I'm telling myself I spoke with him approximately 1h ago, he was sending me pictures from Germany.
     As I got closer and closer I did realise it's really him. He was so beautiful, tall, tanned and those dark futures and on top with those roses in his hands made me feel as I was in a movie. It was one of the happiest moment of my life, I knew than that those blue roses will always remind me of this moment.