P.S : Who loves you the most ?!

Trying to survive

"Your first love isn't always the first person you kiss, or the first person you date. You're first love is the person you will always compare everyone to. The person that you will never truly get over, even when you've convinced yourself you've moved on. "

It passed already four months from when he left me, with all my heart in pieces. I know he loves me, we both cry before we said goodbye.. but is this love strong enough to beat the distance?! I'm keep asking myself, after-all he's still bigger than me and he is a boy. He was calling me once a day, but for me wasn't enough... the time was passing and the distance between us became bigger and bigger . We was not able to be the same, to talk the same , to be honest with each other, I felt him so far away from me and from what we used to be in that memorable summer.

In all this time I passed my final exams with good grades, thanks god . Now the final years are waiting for me, and after I can go to George. My parents are pushing me to think and apply for a good university in the end of this years... Beeing in such a complicated situation, keeping the balance was important so I am trying to do what they are saying and searching meanwhile for universities in Germany.
All this time I was trying to learn a basic German and English, but it is harder than I expected. And all the universities are asking for an interview online. I am just hoping for the best .

                               ————

    My friends and I were in the club where the school party was slowly organised by us , were all the classes were attending, including my best friend Sergiu, which lately was avoiding me ... maybe because I was a bad company in these days .. but I really missed him... his good and positive energy.
One day Preparing all the necessary details for the party and gossiping with my friends, one of the girl from another group came to me and asked me straight:
- Alexandra, will you be upset on me if I'll ask Sergiu to go with me to the party ? I know that you're having a strong relation of friendship but I wanna be sure it's just that.
- Of course Ella! You can do that after all we are just best friends don't worry.
My best friends gossiping in my back ...
- Sure just best friends, where he likes you more than that !!!

I was trying not to look upset, in one way I was waiting for Sergiu to invite me to be his date to the party, it was our promise as best friends from when we were little and stupid ... but he didn't. I was dreaming about this moment. We was best friends after all and I couldn't imagine myself with someone else in this circumstance and on this big night. Unfortunately I will walk alone for that night.

                               ————

    I received a very special gift from George .  A gold necklace with our first picture from that summer together , under the fireworks. It made me cry so much .
I told him everything about my plan but he was still not sure if he should accept it or not . He was afraid of being judged by my parents , and he was more afraid that he was not able to offer me what I deserve. After all he was working so hard in Germany, day and night to support his family. But I was sure I could study and work as well , I promised him I will not be a headache for him .
After the party I will make sure I will tell my parents everything. I was really not finding the right moment .

The big night arrived , I had to apply quite a lot of make up to cover up all the hours of crying . My mum helped me and dropped me with her car to the prom . She gave me a kiss on my forehead and told me  "it's your  night , just enjoy it because will pass so quickly and you have this just once in your life " .... Mums they are all the time feeling their daughters , I was overwhelmed and overthinking but I tried to listen her advice, after all she was right .

- Hello gorgeous!! Somebody was whispering in my back .When I turn around I meet Sergiu, looking so good with this suit and the new haircut.
-Hello stranger!! Where is your date?! I ask giving him a big smile and a big hug . I really missed him , I was so busy with my life and I felt I was a really bad friend lately.
-Right in front of me !! Would you mind to enter together to the prom ?

Something was different about him, his eyes were so shining and he was so beautiful. Was the first time when I saw him in a different way....in few seconds we were keeping hands and going together inside, our entrance left everybody with a huge sock on their faces. I was wondering though what happened with Ella , why is she not with him ?!

       The ballroom decors were amazing, everything was white around us and the band for sure worth the money. I was happy everything finished well, I had a bit of stress being in the organisation team.. we changed our mind with the band in the last seconds. Going to our friends table, I saw Ella changing seats, trying to avoid us. I gave Sergiu a wondering look .
       - What can I do ? You was the one . I can't have two dates, I'm sorry. Or should I change my mind right now ?!
      - If you want so !! I say making a pause . No, I'm just joking, I'm happy you've made this choice!!
      - Shall we dance, crazy little dancer?! His eyes were looking deep into mines, he knows me so good.
      - Yes, let's go to smash that flour!!

  "We danced in the middle of the floor, looking at each other saying nothing. But it was that king of nothing that meant everything!! "

  He was my best friend, my brother , my partner in crime . But something about tonight was so different with him .. In my mind this thought was going over and over again : I could not lose him as well . I just realised how important he is in my life and how much joy he brings with his presence.  And my best friends as well , they are all a part of my life as my parents.  I started to have now a bit of a doubt. Will I be able to leave everything and everyone here and run after George?

   The night was almost over, everybody was tired and sad knowing that we will take different paths, and maybe we not gonna see each other anymore. We went outside for being all together in the same place for the last time, watching the fireworks.
    Sergiu put his hands around me, and squeeze me closer to him .
      - I hope our high school will be close to each other. I decided to remain around.
       I was happy but I couldn't say nothing, I started to feel bad, my mind flew away to George wondering what he's doing in this moment and why he couldn't do the same.. why he didn't choose something closer to me , or why he didn't let me go with him from the beginning. I understood him a bit , but I was tired everyone to decide for me. I felt like my parents as well were too controlling with my life and my choices... pushing me to choose a very good university near my home ...but yes that is what every teenager thinks and feel , after all your parents wants just what's best for you .

       After the party I went straight home , I did kissed Sergiu on his check thanking him for a beautiful night and for choosing me. He did understand everything, just looking in my eyes.
I was not ready to quit on George!! And I was sure now Sergiu had feelings for me that's why he became a stranger lately.