P.S : Who loves you the most ?!

Back to reality

     
                   "I'm fine !!
                               I'm just not happy. "

        The school started, in the beginning I was all the time sad thinking about George and waiting disparately news from him . It was harder than I thought.. being busy with school, extracurricular activities was helping me a bit not to get proper crazy. I was missing him so much .

       My best friend and my neighbour, Sergiu, which I've meet in second grade, was a real help in this period. He knew my summer story and I knew his . We was there for each other in our suffering.. but the best thing about us was the communication. He was reading me , he knew what my thoughts are without even saying a word.

         One day after finishing school, a big surprise was waiting for me outside. I've run and jumped in his arms.
      - This is for you !! George was kissing me and handed me a big bouquet of roses.
      - I'm so happy to see you finally. What have you've done? How are you doing? Tell me everything!!
       - Good , busy with the work . Let's go to drink a coffee, I do have some news for you.

        Everybody was watching us , wondering who is this mysterious boy. Arrived to my favourite restaurant, Sergiu was there with his friends . He had a strange look on his face when he saw George. After introducing my best friend to George, which was a bit awkward ..we choose a quite table and after hours of speaking I found out that he's planning on leaving the country.
        - So this is the end of our relationship?! I've asked.
         - I hope you can understand why I'm doing this. I don't really have another choice, my family needs support, all my little sisters and brothers. Unfortunately my father is not a big help after my mums death.

        That was the truth. His father took a wrong path of grieving, the alcohol, he even quit his job after his wife died of cancer. They were a big family and George was the oldest, so all the responsibility felt on his shoulders . A crazy idea was developing slowly in my head, after all, he was everything I ever wanted.
- I'm coming with you ! I said looking straight in his eyes to see his reaction. I will quit school , we can work together .
It was something that I wanted and felt it so strong, I couldn't imagine myself without him ... I wanted to be by his side in this difficult period of his life and of course more kisses and more time with him !!! But he was disagreeing straightforward , I was too young to do this compromises for him. Even if deep in his heart this was his biggest desire as well, he couldn't let me to destroy my future.. to quit school.
        - We gonna talk !! I promise and you can come in your holiday to visit me .. I will wait for you Alexandra. I promise !

         Tears start to roll on my face .. I couldn't control it anymore. My heart was tearing apart, all this time I was hoping we will find a way to be near each other, now he will be more far away.. how this can work out ? wondering and crying , George was trying to calm me down with promises, I saw Sergiu leaving , but looking towards us and searching me with his eyes to ask if I'm alright. I just nodded my head to him for a positive reply.

" I always think of you before I fall asleep. The words you said, the way you looked. The things we laugh about,the silent moments we shared. And when I dream,I dream of you. Because it's about you, it's always about you."

Alarm clock is waking me up from my dream where we are still together and happy. Last night we left our love in the hand of destiny... I shouldn't dare to hope, but still I do.
I have my secrete plan .. I will finish high-school and I'm gonna follow him. Even in a foreign country, you can find a good university, but I'm sure nobody will agree so for the moment, I keep everything for myself.

        This morning I can't deal with my life.. knowing that he's at the airport and I'm forced to go to school giving the final test , makes me sick .
        -How are you feeling today ? My mum asks me during our breakfast. You're not looking good at all . Did something happen?!
       -I will be alright. I say right before I'm running to bathroom to trow.

       Of course all this stress with the finals, the bad news from George, made me stay awake all night thinking. When I'm coming out I can see the worries on my mums face .. we are not in such a good relationships lately, she doesn't know things about my life. Still I'm trying to calm her, can't be the possibility to be pregnant, me and George decided to wait for the right moment.
        I'm preparing for school quickly to escape from home and from my mum .. I couldn't bare to stay alone and pity myself even today, it's not my style.. it was enough one night so let's stick with the plan . It's the only thing which keeps me motivated.