Do you want to know a secret ?

Chapter 10: Cry For A Shadow.

The rest of the night was a blur. After I went back inside the pub everyone could tell something was up between Paul and I. There was just this obvious tension. Somewhere deep inside me I had this strange feeling that I didn't have the right to reject Paul. He'd done so much for me, I should be grateful, after all that had happened he was there for me. But that was just a feeling and not the truth, I had to keep telling myself over and over again. 

At around half-past-two in the morning we decided to leave. I was practically falling off my chair from exhaustion and so was Wendy. the others seemed like they could keep going on and on. But for our sakes we all decided it would be best to go home.

John, Paul and I went one direction together and George said he would walk Wendy home, as they lived only a couple blocks away from one another. I felt a small pang of jealousy in my gut at this idea, but I told myself not to think about it. Jealousy was an ugly emotion, I knew that.

The three of us walking home was the most awkward thing in the world. Nobody spoke almost the whole way back and I knew, that John knew something he wasn't saying.

Did he see us? Did he tell anyone?

It gnawed at me. In fact when I thought about it, everything about John made me feel off. I knew he didn't exactly pine for the idea of me staying with them, but it was beyond that. He held a grudge against me I could just feel it. Every tired glance, every time he rolled his eyes at me. The suspicion he showed made me feel like my head was going to explode.

"Never mind him." Paul would say whenever I brought it up. "That's just what he's like, y'know?"

But that wasn't true, I knew it wasn't. John didn't act the way he did around me with anyone else.

And I realised I had to do something about it. Something that would break this horrible tension between the two of us.

Tomorrow! Yes Tomorrow was the perfect day to ask him.
———

There was a nothingness that I couldn't quite comprehend. Nothing but space. Empty space without stars and without people. If there was nothing, was I not there? Was I nothing?
But then there was, now a sound. No, more like a voice that called. It wasn't a happy voice, it was sad, angry, afraid maybe. Was it mine? No. Still a woman's voice though. 'Aubrey!"
'What?' I asked, Where was she, my mother? Where was my mother? 'Aubrey!' 
'Yes? What's wrong?'  Why couldn't she hear me? She was crying. 'Where is she? Why aren't you looking!' She cried aloud. 'My girl! My little girl's gone.'  Her voice broke 'please you h-have to find her!'
'MOM!!!' I felt my heart increase as she quickly drifted away from me. To far away to grab ahold of. Just a little bit to far away.
And then once more;
Nothingness.
———

For just a little moment when I was awake I still felt the emptiness around me, until I slowly came to and could find comfort in knowing I was only dreaming. But I was still not home. A tear escaped my eye.

When I sat up I heard footsteps outside the room, the door handle came down with a creek, there was a click and the light came on.

Paul walked in with disheveled hair and a worried expression on his face. He knelt down beside me and took in my horribly anxious state of being.

"Brie! What happened, are you alright? I- I heard you shouting."

I didn't say anything for a little moment but then I was incapable of holding it in any longer. Before I could stop myself, it all kind of just, poured out of me.