Begin Again

ii. victim

we are born in this world like a blank canvas.

as time goes, nothingness is replaced with different colors.

some are dark like the night sky, some are as bright as a daffodil.

a question keeps circling my mind that i could not quite figure out.

we have free will. we are able to decide.

"is it really my fault?", i asked my reflection.

we believe in a god, no question that we likewise believe in evilness.

i asked myself again, "is it really my fault? or was i just a victim of the devil?"

am i valid?

is it alright to think like this? or am i just rationalizing my wrong doings?

i never wanted to turn out how i did.

how i hurt people close to me.

but i did not meant to do so. i never did.

maybe i am - trying to rationalize it.

i am afraid to face the consequences. not wanting to be responsible for my actions.

it is just a thought that keeps on going.

it's never-ending.

an exchange of thoughts between myself and i.

"it's okay, it's not your fault."

"no, it is your fault, coward."

every night, when it seems the world is quiet, my mind starts to rumble.

the deafening silence sparks up lightning and thunder inside my head.