I have a slight feeling of fuzziness, as if I were floating in the gloom, as if I were on my way to absolute darkness without being able to resist what is dragging me to this inhospitable place. I am overcome with fear. That place is completely unknown to me, that feeling of emptiness...
I remember clearly what had happened. It was so fast, but in the memories, I have... in them time goes slower, it gives me the chance to review in detail all the facts from beginning to end.
Yes. Just before all that happened, I had woken up. The kids and Montimer were still asleep. I didn't want to wake them up, so I got out of bed quietly. I saw that Monti had his arm around Richie, sheltering him with his big wings; Ron, on the other hand was clinging to her father from behind, as if hugging a giant stuffed animal, and she was smiling. The night before a storm hit the forest, so Montimer and I resolved to sleep with the children to ward off the bitter cold. Maybe I suggested it for another reason. I don't know. Sometime before, a slight feeling had plagued my heart... it raced every time Montimer came near me, and when he saved me, those feelings seemed to gain strength. I think I recognize them... the same thing had happened to me with Jenny, but what I feel for Montimer is more powerful. It's contradictory. Montimer practically held me by force to take care of Ronnie, but I had long since been there of my own free will and no longer only cared for Ronnie, I now had Richie whom I loved without prejudice or privilege.
That morning I had realized that we had no wood for the fire. Usually, the one who was in charge of bringing all the stuff was Monti, but when I was about to wake him up I looked at his placid and rested face, soothed by a peace that I could not interrupt, added to the children's expression of complete joy and tranquility. I left them there. It's better that they sleep for a little more time. When I returned with the firewood, I would wake them up.
On other occasions Monti had told me that I should not go outside, that it was too dangerous for someone like me, a prey. I came out of the tree with a feeling of adventure. From the balcony I could make out several branches the storm had left scattered in the snow. They're close by, I thought, I don't think anything bad will happen to me. Sometimes I thought Montimer was overprotective of me and the children, I don't understand why, it's as if he was afraid of losing us, although now, inside this gloom in which I am immersed, I think that fear was a complete reality. Montimer. Richie. Ronnie.
I grabbed some twine to tie the firewood and carry it on my back. I went down the stairs and set out to cross the bridge. The water was almost frozen, and I am sure that, if I had dared to cross the cold ice, nothing would have happened. I looked at my reflection as I was crossing the bridge. My feeling was not like before, for before my face had only a vague feeling of fear, fear of everything, fear of death, but when I saw myself in the reflection in that reverse world I could see a serene face, a happy face.
The overwhelming white of the snow always overwhelmed me. I should have gotten used to it by now, but that never happened, at least not in my case. Montimer was the one who was always in charge of bringing supplies and furs to cover us from the winter, but on a few occasions, he didn't manage to get anything. "The places where there used to be food are empty," he said on one occasion. He kept getting farther and farther away from the tree and it took him longer and longer to get there. I remember once he arrived with his wings almost frozen. I could see icicles forming on his limbs; Ronnie and I had to carry him near the fire to get him back on his feet. He was so tired that you could see it in his face and panting. It wasn't easy for him to fly while carrying provisions, I'm sure of that.
I began to pick up the branches that were fallen without going too far from the bridge, I also picked up some grass that I put to dry by the fire to turn it into tinder. It is easy to make a fire when you have the important things. I picked up everything that my little arms could grab. It wasn't much, but if I got there, I could make some tea for Montimer, then I would tell him that we had to gather more firewood.
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Your Trail of Blood in the Snow
FanfictionIn a forest where winter is eternal, Montimer desperately searches for Larry who disappeared leaving behind him a trail of blood. On the other hand, Larry is in a terrible situation, his life is in danger, but he will do everything possible to survi...