Pheromones: A Darren Criss Fanfic

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

I watched Darren walk away, my heart feeling heavy. I'd never seen him look so flustered or disoriented. He walked swiftly back up to the microphone and fixed it right in front of his mouth.

He didn't say anything. He didn't have to. I could see it all in his eyes. I wasn't sure what he was thinking, but I knew that whatever it was had enveloped his entire being in that moment. It almost frightened me.

Then he strummed his guitar and a shock vibrated my whole body. He had all of me in that moment; hook, line, and sinker. I was lost. When his voice rang out, my body shook. The song was familiar, the words catching like fire as they flew from his lips. I could feel them burning my skin.

Jealousy.

(See video.)

"I hate where I'm at. Acting crazy like that. I know that I've been wrong. It's something I've been working on."

Darren kept shaking his head and taking deep breaths. His voice was filled with a pain that I never could have imagined he was feeling.

"I don't know what to do. It's changing me, it's killing you. I'd tear out my insides if I could, but I don't know if it'd do me good."

My heart was fluttering in my chest. I felt like I was going to vomit. I knew that my eyes were open wide as I stared at him, but I couldn't look away. Everything was going fuzzy around me, my head spinning.

"I'm sorry friends, I'm sorry lovers, to put us all in this mess. I know we still have each other. But I'm in distress. 'Cause everytime that I feel like I've figured it out, I can't seem to figure it in."

The sweat on his face and chest was glistening in the light as he sang his heart out. His chest hair was slightly visible peeking out of the neckline of his shirt, and I found myself trying not to focus on that.

"It's got nothing to do with me. It's not even you, you see. It's part of my chemistry. It's this jealousy."

A tear ran down my cheek and I wiped it away quickly. He looked like he was going to cry, his voice shaking ever so slightly. I doubted that anyone else had actually even heard it.

"I'm in absolutely no position to be so needlessly unkind. When I'm the one writing this fiction, I make it real in my mind."

His voice became so angry that I could feel the tension building up in him from across the room. His arm was moving fast and hard against his guitar as if he was putting everything he was feeling into playing the music.

"It drives me crazy in the morning. I'm like, 'Who is this monster in the mirror.' I try to get the steam to fog it out, but I still just can't get it clear. Oh, and I just can't stand what I'm feeling. It's just like poison in my veins."

His voice cracked on the last word and I could almost feel my heart breaking.

"I know that I'm speaking, but I don't know what I'm saying."

Darren couldn't even sing the words. He breathed them out in such a way that made me bite my lip in order to hold back the tears. I considered running out of the restaurant to be alone so that I would be free and not have to hold my emotions in. But my eyes were glued to him. I couldn't move.

"'Cause everytime that I feel like the world just got lighter, it seems that my muscles give out. It's got nothing to do with me. It's not even you, you see. It's part of my chemistry. It's this jealousy."

I had to wonder if he was just sweating or if tears were glistening on his cheeks. His voice sounded so sad and genuine. It was playing a riff on my heartstrings. His eyebrows pulled together and he had a distraught look on his face that made my heart squeeze.

"And I'm hearing you voice. Babe, you know it's your choice. Maybe so. And I know it's no use, but it's the only excuse I know..."

I couldn't listen to the lyrics anymore as his voice became more powerful once again. I just focused on his tone and the way he moved. So much built up anger was pouring out of him. So much passion and heat. It was hypnotizing.

Towards the end of the song, his expression switched back to being burdened with misery. The emotions he was displaying were changing so much that I was getting feeling dizzy. I couldn't breathe, couldn't think.

When the song was over, he smiled lightly at the crowd cheering him on. Then he lifted the guitar and put it back on its stand and walked away. My heart sank and I was completely breathless. I was going insane.

Part of me wanted to run after him. I wanted answers. I was so confused and absolutely distraught. But I couldn't force myself to follow him. I was frozen.

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Author's Note:

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