Caprice Of Apollo

When The Love Falls

       I always loved the rain. It always sounded so peaceful and calming. But today is different. The falling raindrops sound...sad and distraught. I couldn't understand. I was stuck in a daze until the ringing of the telephone in the living room brought me back to my senses. 

        "Hello?" The voice from the other side spoke in a calm manner but I could sense a tinge of distress and that was enough to make me feel anxious. After dropping the phone, I dragged my feet to my room and grabbed my coat. As I looked out the window the rain grew heavier and the sky was darker. Now I understand why the weather today was so gloomy.

       Usually walking down the streets in the rain would bring a small smile to my face but today I felt like every puddle I step on will pull me in and drown me. The 20 minute walk felt like 20 years. Every step I took felt heavier and the world seemed monochromatic; Black and white like the keys of a piano. It also felt like the rain was playing a sad symphony and I'm the only one in the theater. 

       The scent of alcohol and sanitizers invaded my nose as I entered the hospital. I marched to the front desk and asked the nurse where the morgue was. When I got there Aunt Aria was already sitting on a bench waiting for me. "Hey Diana. Are you ok?" My mother's sister asked. A simple nod was all I could give as a reply to her question. "Let's go then." her voice was melodic and kind as ever but right now I didn't have the energy to flash her a smile. She talked to the mortuary staff and shortly after handing the death certificate to my aunt they let us in. Auntie broke down crying the moment my mother's lifeless and pale face came into view. Me however, stood there staring at my mom's corpse with empty eyes. Some might think that I didn't care about her death from the way I looked, bored and stoic but I can hear my heart shattering in an unsettling melody.

        "Diana, you should go home and rest. Today's been rough and I know you've been holding back your tears since the hospital called. I'll pick you up tomorrow ok?" Auntie Aria insisted. "Ok. See you tomorrow then Auntie." She hugged me tight and smiled at me weakly as I headed home. 

        Clutching my mom's belongings they found, I once again dragged my feet to my room and slammed the door. With my legs finally giving in I fell to the floor and there I wept. Screaming with the loud roars of thunder. Apparently, there was a storm. The storm was feral. It matched my emotions real well. The two of us were like a ferocious but broken and dark movement of a symphony. When it was getting hard to breathe and my lungs were begging for air I would inhale violently like the roaring wind of the storm. My things that I like to keep organized fell to the floor because my distress was as great as a hurricane. Gazing at all the pictures hung on the wall and remembering all the memories we shared, hearing her beautiful voice echo, her soothing lullaby playing on loop in my mind. "MOMMY!" I shouted for her. I haven't called her that in so long.

       I heard my door banging. Was someone out there? No. It was Yiru. He broke my door. If we were under different circumstances I would've laughed. Rushing to my side, I noticed the tear stains on his face. That's right. Yiru is grieving too. Wiping my tears, I hugged Yiru, gave him a treat along with his favorite stuffed toy and stood up. 

       Making my way to the music room with my furry friend following behind I opened the lights and there stood the grand piano my mom and I love simply adore. I sat down and patted the empty space beside me for Yiru to hop on and lean on me. Brushing my fingers against the ivory keys of the Steinway and Sons, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath and started playing one of my favorite pieces by Yiruma "When The Love Falls". Hopefully it will calm us and put our minds at ease. 

       After pressing the last keys I looked down to see Yiru asleep with his head on my lap. My eyes softened and I stroked his head "Sweet dreams, Yiru." I continued playing till my fingers grew tired and my eyelids finally felt heavy. My mind is at ease now and I feel a little better. Though the piece I played and this day was sad, the memory of my mother that drove me wild earlier was also the one that calmed me. I looked at my Rottweiler, Yiru, sound asleep one more time and leaned on the piano to get some rest Aunt Aria wanted me to take.

       I may be imagining it but I think I heard my mom sing me her lullaby and felt her embrace. Lord knows how thankful I am that I got to record videos of my mom playing and singing. I hope those will be enough to feel a little bit closer to her now that she's crossed the bridge where I can't follow. Not only did I manage to calm down but the storm did as well. Now, only rain filled the sky. With the raindrops lulling me to sleep and the warmth Yiru shares I think I can surprisingly sleep peacefully tonight.

       Earlier today, the raindrops fell onto the pavement along with my mom. Yet, she wasn't just soaked in rain but also drenched in her own blood. My tears and the heavy rain continued to pour in sync like two dancers moving to the beat of the music. She got into a car accident. I can just imagine the cars clashing together making an unpleasant sound. Maybe, I won't be able to move on but I sure will continue playing. 

       "There are sad and happy songs and pieces because life can't always be happy. The piano is just like life. You have to press the black keys or in terms of living, bad days, to make a beautiful melody" I smiled remembering the wise words of my mom. "Goodnight, mommy."