Caprice Of Apollo

If I Could See You Again

TRIGGER WARNING: Mentions of Suicide

       *RIIIIIING* The noise of my alarm woke me up from my great dream. "Dammit. I was just about to find out who the killer was." I say as I recall my dream. I looked at the encircled day on my calendar. "Oh right. Today's mom's birthday." I got up and prepared Yiru's stuff. It's his grooming day. "The brothers are going out of town. Yiru's going to get groomed and Aunt Aria will be here at 2 o'clock. I got time for myself then."

       I got in the car and drove to the mall to drop the cutie at the dog salon. Once I finished everything I needed to do, I locked myself in the music room where I kept my mom's stuff and displayed her pictures. I opened the boxes of her stuff and memories started to flood my head. "I miss you mommy." I said as I admired her cheerful smile in the framed photograph as if it were my mom. "I graduated from music school early and became a piano teacher like you. Your old students actually want to start piano lessons with me, but the house isn't quite ready yet."

       I wrapped her favorite shawl around my trembling body hoping the warmth of the scarf would be close to the embrace of my mother. "You're turning 40 today mom. Do you remember our promise?" I said in a shaky voice recollecting the happy moments. "When I turn 40, you have to play my favorite songs and pieces for me." Mom requested in an excited tone. "Well, of course! My mother's going to turn 40 that day. I can do that much. You're lucky I love you." "YES! HAHAHAHA YOU BETTER START PRACTICING HARDER BECAUSE I'M GONNA BE LISTING A HECK TON OF TUNES." she threatened. "I AIN'T BACKING DOWN ON ANY CHALLENGE WOMAN."

       I chuckled as I remembered that chaotic event. A sheet of paper was rolled at the bottom of the box. I picked it up and read it. It was the list of pieces and songs my mother wanted me to play. "I guess you still want to hear me play even in the afterlife. Looks like I have to stick to my word then." I sat in front of the piano and admired the ivory keys. My mother told me that she saved money to buy this Steinway for years. "I was your age when I started saving up for that piano. Took me 6 years. You better use it even after I die." "You don't have to tell me that mom. Bold of you to assume I'd ever stop. The piano's the only thing I know." Going through the list I played and played. Crossing out the tunes I finished and preparing for the next. Although, before I could begin with the next song I was stopped by my phone ringing.

       Looking at the caller ID, I picked it up knowing it's my aunt. "Hey Diana. Are you okay?" "Yeah auntie." I said in a hoarse voice. "Mhmmm your voice says otherwise. It's gonna be ok sweetie. Just get lots of rest or watch a movie. Treat yourself. You deserve it." Auntie Aria demanded. "Yeah. I'm already relaxing in my own way." "Alright sweetie. I'll be there in a few hours so treasure all your time while you can." When Auntie hung up I immediately sat back down and played the next song.

       It went on for hours because I had crying sessions in between. Finally, I came to the last song, 'If I Could See You Again' "Ohhh mom loved this song so much." When I was a kid, I had nightmares often. I'd dream of being surrounded by garbage and drowning in it. Whenever I tried to move I was just stuck in one place. I'd wake up sweaty and mommy Bri would bust in my room in worry. "Sweet honey butter baby cakes, what's wrong?" She'd ask as she wipes the sweat of my forehead. "Nightmares again." She'd pull me out of bed and hold my hand while drawing little circles while we walked to the music room. "Don't worry shortcake. The beautiful melody of this song will send the monsters giving you nightmares to sleep so you, as well, can sleep peacefully." When I eventually fall asleep, mom would pick me up and carry me to her room and cuddle me close like she'd lose me if I were even 10 inches away from her.

       I played the last part of the song then felt empty again. "Is there a piano in the afterlife too mommy?" I said in a broken, hushed voice. "I want to see you again. I want to hear your lullabies again. I want to hear you play again. I want to play with you again." I ranted as more tears fell down from my red, puffy eyes.. My mind went blank. What's happening to me? In the corner of my eye, I spotted the cutter. Unconsciously, I grabbed it and aimed for my wrist. "We're going to be together again, mommy. Wait for me there." I could feel my lips curving into a smile but this smile wasn't innocent. Tears were still falling yet I laughed. I felt like a maniac. This is worse than my rage mode on the day of mom's accident.

       Just when the blade came in contact with the delicate skin of my wrist the door busted from its hinges. "DIANA!" Dom came rushing to my side, swatting the blade away. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?!?" I screamed in fury. "No, What are YOU doing!?!?" He spat out. I tried to reach for the cutter again when he caged me in his arms preventing me from getting away.

       "It's ok Diana." He now said in a soft, fragile voice. "You don't have to pretend you're okay anymore. You don't have to hide anymore. Just let it all out." I was still struggling in his grasp, screaming and protesting "LET ME GO! LET ME END THE PAIN! GOD YOU DON'T KNOW BUT IT HURTS SO BAD" My sobs were violent and breathing started becoming difficult. "Please, Diana." Dom begged. I was too immersed in the pain to realize that he'd been crying. Unexpectedly, a sweet melody made its way into my ears. When I came back to my senses and my eyes widened as I realized that Dom was the one humming the tune.

       My body collapsed into his arms and my eyes started feeling a little too heavy for me to stay awake. I fell asleep instantly. I missed feeling the warmth of a hug.

       "Dom-!?!? Diana-!?!?" Trevor rushed to the music room finding it torn from the hinges. "Oh my Asahi. What the hell happened here?" "Maybe we should cancel the trip." Dominique suggested "Consider it done." Trevor said as he marched towards his brother and a very exhausted Diana. "I can't believe we didn't notice that she was still grieving." Trevor let out a sigh. "You should carry her to her room. I'll call Auntie Aria." Dom did what he was told and brought Diana to her room to rest. He came back down to meet his brother in the music room. Approaching his brother who was staring at a picture carefully displayed on a table. Admiring the delicate, framed portrait his eyes widened as well. Silence filled the room until Trevor broke it "Isn't this...mom?"