vinnie hacker imagines

therapy

(TW: mentions rape, abuse, eating disorder

(a/n: this is a continuation of "Uncle Jason")

"Vinnie how are you feeling today?" Doctor Smith asked.

"Fine."

He had learned that if you like to them and tell them what they want to hear then they'll stop prying. Or at least that's what his last therapist did. Doctor Smith, who we will now refer to as Jennifer wasn't like that. She pried even after he said he was fine.

"Any pain?" Jennifer asked, staring down at her cheetah print clip board that for some reason drove Vinnie wild.

"No."

"I can't help you if you lie to me Vinnie." Jennifer looked up at him.

"I don't want help."

"That doesn't mean you don't deserve it though. I'm not like the other doctors who ask questions just to ask them. I need honest answers to my questions so I know what I need to do to help." Jennifer explained.

"Have you been eating?" Jennifer asked, and he shook his head no.

"Can you tell me why?" Jennifer asked again.

He didn't answer, just kept staring at his shoes like he did every Thursday.

"You remember the topic we'll be discussing today right?" Jennifer asked to break the silence.

She observed him as his body tensed and his breathing increased. He rubbed his hands on his pants. He was scared.

"Yes, I remember." Vinnie cleared his throat.

"Are you comfortable with speaking about it right now?" Jennifer asked.

"I'd just like to get it over with." Vinnie answered "so yes."

——

Vinnie waited in silence while Jennifer was away printing papers. He was dreading the conversation he knew was coming.

"Can you tell me when it first started happening?" Jennifer asked softly, after she had returned from the printer and sat in her seat.

"I was 6 years old when it started. He didn't have sex with me until I was 8, he started by touching me and making me touch him." Vinnie answered.

"How did you feel while he was doing it?" Jennifer asked.

"Worthless. Empty." Vinnie answered.

"Even as a young child you felt that way?" Jennifer asked.

"Yes ma'am." Vinnie nodded.

"Some of the things you marked on this paper was that you bath excessively and you're confused about your sexuality." Jennifer said, reading just a couple things from the paper.

"Yes."

"Would you say that these are the result of what happened to you?" Jennifer asked.

"Yeah." Vinnie's voice quieted some.

"Let's start with your sexuality. What would you say confuses you and why do you consider it to be a result of your abuse?" Jennifer asked.

"I've always been attracted to girls. I had sex with a girl recently but I didn't like it because I'm used to having —— sex with a man. I guess the reason I consider it a result of the abuse because now, because of him I don't know whether I like just men, just women, or both." Vinnie explained.

"When did you begin to struggle with your sexuality?" Jennifer asked, deciding to leave the clipboard on the desk.

"I would say when I was 9 years old that's when it started. There was a girl in my 3rd grade class who liked me and one day she tried to kiss me on the playground and I don't remember why, but I was really confused."

Jennifer remained silent, she could tell he had more to say.

"My uncle picked me up from school that day because my parents were out of town for a conference that they had to attend for work. I asked him about it because I needed help trying to figure out what I was supposed to feel like-"

He paused, taking a deep breath and shivering at the memory.

"He hit me. Repeatedly, he just kept smacking me and telling me I was a bad boy. When we got back to my house he took me upstairs and made me get n-naked and-"

His breathing had picked up. His head was spinning. He felt as if he was going to vomit and the only thing he knew at this moment was that he needed his mom.

"M-Mommy." Vinnie muttered under his breath as he tried to control himself.

"Would you like me to get your mom?" Jennifer asked.

"Yes please." Vinnie nodded.

——

"Baby it's okay. Just breathe for me okay? You're gonna be okay." Maria said, kneeling in front of her son.

"We can go home okay? You don't have to keep talking about this." Maria said, kissing his forehead.

"I need to talk about it. I can't keep it pent up inside of me anymore. It's too much to deal with on my own." Vinnie whimpered.

"Do you want me to stay?" Maria asked.

"No, I just needed a hug. I don't want you to have to hear any of this. I told you a little but the things I'm going to tell her are gonna break your heart. You'll never look at me the same and I don't want you to look at me different." Vinnie said.

After a minute or two more, Maria left the room and Vinnie took a moment while Jennifer talked to his mom, which gave him time to breathe and calm himself down again.

"Okay Vinnie. I'm ready whenever you are." Jennifer spoke calmly as she sat down in her chair again.

Vinnie had to sit for a couple minutes just to refocus himself on what he was even talking about. He didn't think this would be as hard it was.

"He took me upstairs and forced me to take my clothes off. That was the first time he'd ever used his mouth on me. The first time he'd ever put his fingers inside of me." Vinnie shuddered at the memory.

"He kept going, for hours and hours and it hurt so bad. He finally stopped at like 10 that night. He made me get dressed again and walk downstairs and act like nothing happened once my aunt had got home from work. He made me eat dinner and do my homework and kept staring at me as if he was daring me to say anything." Vinnie said, the more he spoke about it the more he felt the release of so much stress.

"Was that the worst thing he'd ever done to you?" Jennifer asked.

"Yes." Vinnie nodded, looking up at the ceiling and blinking tears from his eyes.

"Are you alright?" Jennifer asked.

"Yes I'm okay. I'm only crying because it feels nice to not have it pent up inside of me anymore." Vinnie answered, using his fingers to wipe tears from his eyes.

"I just want you to know that I'm extremely proud of you Vinnie! You did great today, would you like to schedule another appointment for next week for the same day?" Jennifer asked.

"Yeah, that'd be good. I need an appointment card with the time on it for my mom." Vinnie said, watching as she filled out a card and handed it to him.

"Once again, good job. I know that was extremely difficult for you but you still did it! I'll see you next week." Jennifer smiled, patting his back as he thanked her and walked out.

He walked into the waiting room to find his mom sitting down in a chair. She looked up to see him with a small smile on his face as he looked down at the card in his hand.

"You're ready to go?" Maria asked as she stood from her seat.

"I'm ready."