The Chaos of a Broken Soul (Old version)

Chapter Nineteen

Leonore returned to Canberra in a much better mood and a week of rough sex with Sammy was exactly what she needed, it released so much pressure mentally and physically. However, she was happy to get back to Kathy and be with her, missing her Mumma. She wasn't looking forward to returning to work, she enjoyed not working and staying home with Kathy. They had packed up their house and Kathy and Greg had sold their house. They were spending Leonore's last day of freedom on the couch, snuggling, talking and watching movies.

"Why is Sammy letting you have Minerva now?" Kathy asked, curious as to why this time was different.

"She is getting rid of the last memory of me." Leonore answered, playing with Kathy's hand.

"Mmm, hopefully it will give her some peace. However, I find it funny how she wants to forget about you and then she doesn't turn down the offer to sleep with you." Kathy said, a hint of annoyance in her voice.

"I thought you were ok with that?" Leonore asked, sitting up and looking at her.

"Little one, I am fine with it. But I just find it ridiculous that she blames you for ruining her life and then shares your bed." Kathy answered, finding it hypocritical of Sammy.

"I know, but the kind of sex we had was aggressive and didn't require much love. I guess for her it was a way of getting the last bit of love she felt for me out of her system for her to move on with Beth and it was a way to punish me. I don't fault her, and I wish I could have been stronger, turning her away. In a sick way I feel like I deserved the punishment as I am to blame. I regret ever pulling her into my life and letting her believe there was hope." Leonore replied, angry at herself.

"Little one, you loved her and made her your world. She knew who you were and your limitations, but still chose to be with you. You did the best you could." Kathy said, trying to reassure her she did her best.

"I guess, I just wished I had done it differently." Leonore answered, knowing there was truth in what she said.

"I understand and I wish I was stronger too. Especially regarding us as Caro is fine with us and we could've been together sooner. Unfortunately, we can't change it, but never doubt how much you loved Sammy and you gave that girl your heart." Kathy told her, knowing how much she loved Sammy.

Leonore knew Kathy was right and she did love Sammy with a fierceness than she loved either Kathy or Virginia. The last day they spent together, she laid it all out with Sammy and wanted her to understand that she did love her.

"I know you know the truth Sammy and it was because of that I had to walk away from you, I needed to protect you from that darkness. I saw the fear in your eyes that last day and I had to leave, I loved you too much. You can be mad at me and believe I ruined your life, but never doubt my love for you." Leonore told her, sitting in the car waiting for the plane.

"You didn't ruin my life and I have a lot to thank you for as you did so much for me and my mum. But yeah, I'm still mad cause you didn't give me the chance to stop you from leaving. You just left and you broke my heart. I didn't care what you did, and I still don't as I know you could never hurt me like that. Yes, I was scared that day as I had never seen you so mad before and it was scary to see all that rage in you. On reflection I understand, but it still wasn't right, and you gave up on us. You gave up on me again, choosing someone else but me and I hate you for not choosing me." Sammy answered, telling her the truth.

"I'm sorry I let you down and that you feel I gave up on you, I can see how you would think that. I never lied to you Sammy, I was honest with you, and I warned you that I could never truly be yours. I told you who I belonged to, and I couldn't offer you forever. But I have never stopped loving you and wanting to protect you. It's funny as I left so I wouldn't hurt you, but I ended up hurting you anyway. You are important to me, and you have been since you were thirteen, but I can't be with you. It's not about choosing you as if things were different I would. I love Kathy and I belong to her; I always have." Leonore said, setting her free.