The Chaos of a Broken Soul (Old version)

Chapter Eighteen

Sammy had been in Tathra for a year as she got tired of Canberra and Claire trying to turn Leonore into something she wasn't, totally ignoring how unhappy she was. Sammy confronted Claire about the affair, telling her she should let Leonore go and let her be with someone she loved and who loved her. Because she certainly didn't love her. Claire laughed at her and told Sammy to stop deluding herself as Leonore only loved her professor and Kathy and she had no chance in hell with Leonore. Sammy was told not so politely way to mind her own business. A week later there was talk of starting a family, which Leonore didn't really want, and they got into a fight. For her own sanity and heart, Sammy decided to leave and hoped when the end came to the disaster that was Leonore's love life, she was still in one piece. However, the Leonore that was standing on her doorstep was completely broken and damaged. It took Sammy a long time to return her to someone that was a shadow of the former Leonore and as time went on bits and pieces of the old Leonore returned. Sammy wished and hoped that the Leonore she had fallen in love and grew up with came back to her. But she didn't, Sammy had to learn to love the new Leonore and to live without the light in her eyes that made Leonore special. One drunken night Leonore told her the truth about what happened between Claire and her, she didn't want to believe it and then again, she did as it explained everything.

After one tough year everything started falling into place for them, Leonore stopped drinking away her pain, therapy was going well, and she was becoming open to the possibility of a relationship. They started building their dream home together after finding the perfect place to build it, living on the boat together and being happy. But Leonore always held back on moving beyond what they had. The sex wasn't the problem between them, it was the emotions that Leonore couldn't commit to and there was always a distance between them. Sammy couldn't fault Leonore as she tried her hardest to be there for her. She learned not to push Leonore too hard, she would retreat further away from her and when Sammy didn't Leonore let her get close to her enough to see into her heart. Everything was going great until Caro Simon ruined it all again. For two years Sammy had kept her at a distance and away from Leonore. Lying to her saying she didn't know where Leonore was and that she hadn't told her where she was, that she only occasionally talked to Leonore on the phone. Caro was toxic for Leonore, but she didn't want to see it and Sammy didn't feel guilty for keeping her from Leonore. Kathy was the only one that knew where Leonore was and allowed to talk to her, she knew Caro wasn't good for Leonore and agreed to not tell her. She had come to Tathra several times to see Leonore, they made her somewhat happy and sent her into a depression after she left. Sammy had questioned this change in Leonore, and she told her the truth about her and Kathy, she finally understood the power Claire had over her and why she couldn't just leave her. Leonore was protecting Kathy and her relationship with her bitch of a daughter. At the time she hated Caro more because she was keeping two people who clearly loved each other, and the only person Leonore let anywhere near her heart away from each other. Despite her connection to Kathy, Leonore was faithful partner to Sammy and never strayed from her. She even stopped sleeping with Claire while they had their affair, they hoped it would cause a breakup and still Claire held her prisoner. To the outside world Leonore wasn't complex and that is how she liked it, she didn't want to stand out like a sore thumb. But if you were privileged to be in her private circle, you saw a complex enigma she really was and in awe of the way she tricked people to believe she was nothing. Sammy felt honoured to be one of those people in that circle, she guessed that is why Claire hated her so much and why she wouldn't let Leonore go as she was never part of that circle. She only got glimpses of who Leonore is, knowing she could be fragile with her mental health and beyond that they knew nothing.

The stupid psychiatrist in all her glorious wisdom told Leonore that she needed to make peace with her guilt of leaving and hiding from them for two and a half years. That Leonore couldn't move forward in her recovery with this holding her back and her friends needed to know that Leonore was fine, living her life and made peace with Claire leaving her. She still had bad dreams, though they happened less often now, and Sammy knew she still blamed herself to a certain degree. It made her afraid to love people, well even more than before and wouldn't allow herself to be loved. There was times Sammy suspected that Leonore was incapable of feeling and she was imitating emotions, it was like she was just an empty shell. Love being the only emotion she couldn't imitate successfully and that is why she was so distant and untouchable. When she found out that Sammy blasted the psychiatrist, Leonore was so mad at her, and she flew into a rage. Her rage terrified Sammy and when Leonore saw that fear in her, she packed her bags leaving Sammy. That was two years ago, and it took time to get over it, but Sammy understood why Leonore left. Leonore was protecting Sammy from her anger and fear of hurting her and that's how she knew Leonore loved her. Sammy was glad that Leonore could finally be with Kathy and be open with their love, that it was now their turn. For Sammy it had been a slow process of letting Leonore go and finding someone to love after loving her so long, she has found someone who brings her happiness and loves her.