The Chaos of a Broken Soul (Old version)

Chapter Twenty One

It had been a tough week for Leonore, between the sad goodbyes of clients and the memories of the first time Virginia destroyed her. It took her three months before to partial defrost her heart and tolerate affection from others, but even then, it was bothersome. However, she tried for the sake of Kathy and her friends, and they come to accept what Leonore could offer, making do with who she was now. Angie helped her with the loveless sex, teaching her how to be a domme and giving her a sense of control in her powerless existence. Leonore was content with how her life was going. But after a very physical session with Angie and during after care, Angie accidently said she loved her.

"I'm sorry Kitty, I wasn't thinking, and it just slipped out." Angie said, suddenly very afraid as she crossed a line that wasn't spoken of.

"It's alright, but I can't and it's unfair and cruel of me to expect you to not to feel love and expect love in return. I can't give you that and I have tried to, but I only feel affection for you." Leonore answered, feeling horrible for being broken.

"Kitty, I understand and just forget I said it, I'm happy with what we have." Angie said, not wanting to lose what they had.

"Angie, I can't, and you deserve so much better than this. Have you even been looking for someone who can give you everything you need, and I can't give you?" Leonore answered, knowing she had to stop this.

"No, I just fucked this up and this is the last time isn't it." Angie said, clearly defeated and heartbroken.

"Yes, you need to find someone who can love you and I'm being cruel because I do care about you Angie. I don't want to be the reason you stop trying, you are so amazing, and you deserve the world." Leonore answered, feeling guilty for causing her pain.

"I understand Kitty and you don't need to feel any guilt for anything, I knew what I was getting into with you. I don't regret it at all, I would do it again in a heartbeat and if you ever need to blow off some steam I am here." Angie said, trying to reassure her that she was fine.

Angie knew what she was getting herself into with Leonore and she was fine with it being loveless, but as much as she tried to deny and fight it. Love snuck up on her, well she had always loved Leonore. But she was able to control it and stay rational about it, knowing Leonore had limits. Now she had been heartbroken and hurt, Leonore had completely closed her heart off and didn't freely give her affection anymore. Angie missed that Leonore, everyone did and were having trouble accepting this new Leonore. She didn't even like the new Leonore and she tried her best to not be this person, but fear kept her locked behind high brick walls.

Leonore hugged her one last time and left, needing to be alone to think about who she become. She hated who she had become and knew she had to change as Leonore was punishing everyone for Virginia's sins. That was unfair to them, and they have been nothing but patient and supportive, loving her completely despite her scepticism. Leonore's mind flashed back to before Virginia, the love she felt and the hope she had for her life. Leonore asked herself why she should give up everything for one person. When had she become so unoriginal and ordinary and everything she hated in others? When had she turned into a person that only felt valid when they are loved and when that person stops loving them, they become nothing like they never existed without that person? Leonore was better than that and stronger than those pathetic people. She lived in the desert of the heart; she couldn't love the whole damned world for the sake of never being alone. When had she became afraid of the desert she loved and found safety and comfort in its isolation? Loving people without a real need or want, she loved because she wanted to and could still have her loneliness. But if she was honest there was always Kathy, so she was never really alone and found comfort in the fact she had Greg to fill her absence. Could Leonore return to that life and be who she used to, it wasn't like they were a threat to her safety. They had already proven themselves to her and it was unfair of her to have them prove themselves again.