The Chaos of a Broken Soul (Old version)

Chapter Twenty Two

Leonore was frightened awake from a bad dream and laid there for several minutes to ground herself, calming her fast beating heart. Her eyes adjusted to the dark and she stared at Kathy sleeping beside her, Leonore admired this beautiful and wonderful woman and loved her more than anything. She couldn't imagine her life without Kathy and didn't want to be without her for one day. Fighting the urge to kiss her awake and make love to her as after her meltdown Kathy was better off sleeping for now, knowing she would have to explain her episode tomorrow. Needing to go to the bathroom Leonore slipped out of bed and went to the bathroom. She went downstairs to get a drink, noticing Caro and Katie asleep on the sofa bed, going to the spare room and seeing Angie and Kat asleep. Fuck! Leonore thought to herself and realised for them to be here, she must have scared Kathy so badly and she called the girls for help. Feeling rotten she poured herself a whiskey instead of a juice, quietly she opened the side door and going out for a smoke. Leonore sighed lighting the smoke and taking a long drag, blowing it out into the night air.

Her mind recalling the talk with Virginia, her heart aching again at the news of Eliane's death and her failure to save her. Leonore was glad that she no longer wanted to be with Virginia, though the thought of fucking her still sent her stomach in a flip and made her warm inside. It surprised her that was all she felt, there was no anger or hate anymore and even the overwhelming love she once felt wasn't there. Virginia had become nothing to her finally and she didn't know how this had changed. Especially since it wasn't so long ago, she was everything to Leonore. Had Kathy been right, and these memories had come to Leonore to help her make peace with that part of her life. Had she made peace with it and was she ready to move on? Leonore frowned at the thought, searching her mind, feelings and body and examined it all closely. Just as Leonore thought she was home free Claire and Eliane flashed in her mind's eye and her heart spasmed with fear and guilt. The last hurdle was that day and Leonore didn't like her chances.

"Little one?" Kathy asked, making Leonore jump in fright.

Leonore supressed a scream as Kathy's touch pulled her violently out of her thoughts, her heart beating wildly in her chest and feeling she aged ten years from the fright.

"Jesus Christ Kathy!" Leonore said in a harsh whispered clutching her chest.

"Sorry Little one, I didn't mean to scare you. I was worried when I woke up and you weren't there." Kathy answered, glad to find her as she feared that Leonore had ran again.

"It's ok, I suspect I will live and a little greyer." Leonore replied, swallowing the rest of her whiskey, and lighting another smoke.

"I'm glad you are feeling better and haven't lost your talent for sarcasm." Kathy said, sitting down next to her relieved.

"I'm sorry I scared you Kathy, I didn't mean to and worry you so much to call the girls." Leonore answered, feeling guilty for her meltdown.

"It's alright Little one, are you going to tell me what happened?" Kathy asked, curious if she would.

"I will, but not tonight as you need more sleep and I'm sure the others want an explanation." Leonore answered, standing up and holding out her hand to Kathy.

Kathy nodded her head and took Leonore's hand, she pulled her up leading the way back into the house. They crept past Caro and Katie and went back into the bedroom, getting back into bed.

"I love you." Leonore said as she hugged Kathy tightly to her.

"I love you too Little one." Kathy answered, snuggling into Leonore.

Leonore laid there in the dark not tired anymore, her thoughts returned to examining her feelings and Leonore tried to make sense of them. There was a new intensity of her love for Kathy, like it was no longer divided, and she felt oddly whole in the knowledge of her love for Kathy. Leonore brought the image of Virginia, there was a sexual desire and for the first time there was guilt. However, she suspected it had more to do with Eliane and not Virginia herself. Now there was no longing or grief for the life they lost, it was like Leonore no longer wondered about it and saw no point in longing for something she would never have. Leonore shouldn't be ungrateful for the two years they had or the life she had without Virginia because there was happiness and love. Even in the heartbreak of losing Virginia, she found love and where her heart truly belonged. Leonore had always known in some ways, but it had never been their time and neither of them were brave enough to risk it all.