Not So Perfect

Chapter 10

I'm sitting on my bed, reading a book dad found for me to read. It's some kid's book with cheesy clichés, but it does keep my mind off things. Like the fact Riley and I are currently separated.

I'm flipping the page when I feel a bang, I look up and see the bedroom door has been slammed shut, and there stands a fuming Riley. Oh no, what's he doing here?! He was supposed to text, not come find me! And why is he mad? He did this himself!

My eyes widen when I see him slowly hold up my journal. No... he wouldn't read it. Would he? I didn't know I left it behind, and by the time I did I couldn't go back and get it. But Riley knows not to read my stuff, right? Because if he read it...

Riley pulls something out of his back pocket and lets it fall out of his hand and onto my bed, it's my envelope. My envelope with blades in them to be more specific.

I quickly close my eyes, and clamp my hands over my ears, not that I'd be able to hear anyway. No, it's fine. Riley has to understand. He has to. He won't be mad. Why would he? It's my body, not his. It's not like I was doing it to someone he cared about!

I feel a soft thud on my bed, and I crack one eye open, panicking when I see the larger thick envelope, filled with letters. I swear I wasn't actually going to kill myself! I just wanted to have the letters ready if something bad happened. I didn't actually want to die, Riley has to know that.

Even more panic sets in when I feel his hand clamp down on one of my wrists, my right one to be more exact. The one I self harm on.

My strength is nothing compared to his, and soon enough he has my sleeve rolled up. I have yet to open my eyes, and I'm definitely not doing that now. Riley's pissed, that much is clear. He's always been pissed whenever my past self harm was discussed. And the fact I had promised him I would do it anymore too, that's got to hurt him.

Riley grabs my chin, forcing my head to face him. But that doesn't mean I open my eyes, oh no. If I open my eyes, he'll start talking. Which is exactly what I don't want. He's mad, and I'm not usually scared of Riley when he's mad, but this time I am. Mostly because it's my self harm making him mad. I don't get what makes him so mad about my hurting myself, because it's literally me.

I keep my eyes closed for several minutes, when I realize Riley's not leaving until then. And currently I'm giving him free access to look very closely at my scarred and scabbed arm, so I try pulling my arm out of his hold. Just a pathetic attempt. Finally I open my eyes, and flinch seeing the pure rage in Riley's eyes. He's literally red with smoke coming out of his ears.

Riley cautiously let's go of my arm, and I quick pull my sleeve over it. Still watching Riley while frowning.

'I get it was wrong to invade your privacy like I did, but boy am I glad I did. I'm not sorry. I'm not nor will I ever be. What the hell Keely!'

I cross my arms, settling for glaring at him. If he really read my journal, he'll know exactly why.

Riley exhales heavily. 'Look I want to fix our marriage. I love you Keely. I swear to you I never slept with anyone while I was gone, all I did was drink my feelings away and sleep at some lousy motel. Even drop dead drunk I won't cheat on the love of my life. I get we're past talking, so I suggest we try couples therapy. And both get therapy for the shit we're dealing with. We need it. You're coming home, but the kids are staying here. I see a lot of fighting in our future, but we are fixing this marriage. I love you. I know you promised the kids you won't fight in front of them, so that's while they're staying here. I already know you're going to put up a fight. Start packing. We'll discuss this-' Riley motions to the envelopes. 'later, when no one can hear me yell. I'll be back in half an hour.' With that, Riley walks off.

I want to yell at him, for leaving again. And for making decisions like us going back home but leaving our kids here, but I can't. I'm stuck up him saying he loved me, and how he'd never cheat on me. He called me the love of his life.

Deciding to at least give this a chance, I start packing up my stuff. I can always just leave if it doesn't work out. And I'm definitely allowed to visit the kids. How bad could this be?