Not So Perfect

Chapter 5

I know I'm still mad at Riley, but I throw myself into his arms. Even after all these years, after all we've been through, he's still the only one who can keep me sane. I need him, no matter what. I'll always need him.

Riley wraps his arms around me, holding me tightly to him. I feel his lips moving against my ears, but I don't hear a thing. I don't even panic when I realize I can't hear. I just cry harder. Maybe this is it, maybe my hearing will be lost for forever. Maybe I'll never hear again.

Riley runs his hands up and down my back as I cry into his neck, crying over everything that has happened. I never really cried much when we first lost Matthew, I had tried to keep myself from falling apart because I knew one of us needed to be strong. And I wanted to believe it wasn't a sad thing, yes, Matthew is no longer with us, but he's not hurting now, he's somewhere much better watching over us. And we'll see him again, it wasn't goodbye for forever. Just temporary. But that's stop me from feeling this huge whole in my heart from his loss. No matter how much time goes by, I know I'll always miss him, always wonder what life would've been like if he was still here.

I think the main thing breaking me though, is how I feel like I failed him. Like I should've been able to tell sooner, or that there was something else I could've done. Even though there was nothing we could've done. It doesn't stop me from think there was something to be done.

Once I've cried all the tears I have, I look Riley in the eyes. "I'm so sorry Riley. I know I've been a jerk to you these past few days, but I'm really hurt."

'No, don't apologize love. I'm the one who should be sorry. I deserve your madness.' I don't let Riley finish before I kiss him. I honestly can't even remember the last time we've kissed, but it has to have been at least like a year.

I don't let it last long though, I pull away just after a few seconds. I wipe my few stray tears away, and get off of Riley's lap. I've cried enough. Anyway, I'm still mad at Riley.

"Could you set up an ear doctor appointment for me? I can't hear a single thing." I ask Riley. Who frowns, but nods. Then walks off as he calls my ear doctor. I take my journal up to my bedroom, and change, making sure I look like I'm not slowly breaking apart. Then go back downstairs seeing the kids already up and eating breakfast.

'Keely, your appointment is at 1pm.' Riley signs when he sees me.

'Appointment for what?' Zoey signs looking confused.

"I can't hear anything. I think my hearings finally just gone." I say, sitting down at my spot, where Riley had already set food down.

Zoey gulps, and looks down at her plate. 'Will you lose your job if you're completely deaf?'

I blink, "Yeah, I probably will." I finally say. Not point in lying to Zoey, she'll figure it out anyway.

'Maybe I could take up babysitting.'

Riley suddenly stops eating, talking to Zoey, not bothering to sign for me. I huff, angry that he did that. I'd very much like to be included in this.

Zoey says something angrily to Riley, and then storms off to her bedroom, leaving Riley looking heartbroken. "You really couldn't sign for me?" I snap.

Riley sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose, then looks back up to me. 'I didn't think I needed to. I was just telling Zoey didn't need to start babysitting.' Riley signs looking slightly annoyed.

Looks like what happened this morning didn't fix anything. Not that I thought it would, I simply had a weak moment. I'm fine now.

'And what was that with Zoey? Did you say something to her?'

'No, Keely. I didn't say anything to her, and that's the problem.' Riley signs, then looks to Max. 'All done bud?'

Max nods, and says something to Clara, who nods too. They both get up, running to the stairs, probably going up to their bedrooms.

I get up, collecting everyone's plates, but Riley's. And go to wash them, but Riley appears out of nowhere. 'I'll do them.' He signs. I roll my eyes, walking off to go check on Zoey, but not after texting my boss saying I won't be in until later.

Knocking on Zoey's door, I wait for her knock twice back saying I can come in. Her way of telling me it's ok to come in, one knock being that I can't.

Knock. Knock.

I open her door, seeing Zoey gathering her homework and stuffing it into her backpack.

"What's wrong Zoe?" I ask.

'Dad. That's what up.' She signs, clearly mad.

"What did he do?"

'He broke his promise to me mom! He promised he'd be there for the father daughter dance, and he didn't even call saying he wouldn't make it. Now all the kids at school think my dad's a drunk who doesn't care about his own daughter, and they think it's funny you're deaf! Not to mention some random kid in one of my classes found out that dad isn't even my birth dad, and told the whole school! They all think that my birth dad and Riley don't care about me!' She signs, tears rising to her eyes.

I frown, Zoey's being bullied?

'I wouldn't even be so mad at dad if it wasn't for the fact that now the whole school thinks he's a drunk that doesn't love me. It's embarrassing.'

I hug Zoey, and she hugs me tightly back. "I'm sorry Zoey, I'll talk to your principal about the kids, and I'll talk to your dad too."

Zoey nods still hugging me. After a few minutes she pulls away, grabbing her backpack. 'Ok let's go.'

I nod, taking her hand and we both leave heading to my car. Max and Clara seemed to be gone, so I guess Riley already left with them. Good, I do not feel like seeing his face right now.