The Duchess of York (Colin Bridgerton)

25) Back to Mayfair

A/N Trigger Warning  ⛔️

Duchess'  POV

I lay frozen in bed. It had been a week since the incident. I hadn't found the courage to speak, my frail body was bruised. My mind scarred. I hadn't allowed Colin to see me, speak to me and god forbid touch. I don't think I will ever be able to again. I fear that this is what will cause our departure.

I have news. Something that I know if I'm to share with Colin. He won't forgive. I knew I'd have to let Colin know sooner or later but how? Every inch of my body aches and I felt myself yearning for more than this torturous memory on replay in my mind.

Breathe, you're alive and you're okay. I repeated in my head over and over. I looked over to the window, the bright sky. I need to get through this for my Duke.

With a heavy heart I looked to my maid.

I cleared my throat, watching a startled Anna glance over at me.

"Your grace" she curtsied.

"Please fetch the Duke for me" I took my eyesight from her and looked down at my damaged frame beneath the bed sheets.

Moments later, Colin came through the door slowly.

His eyes traced every imperfection that lay upon my skin, I hung my head low in shame.

"Please look at me Annabelle" His raspy voice sounded broken.

"I can not." My hoarse voice spoke in alliance with the broken one of his own.

"Please, how can I help?"

"I need to tell you something. I should have told you already." Just when I thought I was dry from tears. I felt a few over spill.

"My love, you must not over-."

"Please Colin." I interrupted him. "Unfortunately the doctor found something upon my examination." Choking back my tears.
"When. When Lord. When that bastard got to me, my inner body went into distress." I gulped, for the first time in that week my eyes met his.

His broken eyes matched his broken voice. He knelt down beside the bed and gently wrapped his hands in mine. His eyes asking if his actions are too soon. I found my thumb grazing over his own. So natural did it seem.

"I'm afraid I don't follow." He whispered.

"I, I do not know how to tell you this. Colin. Please know how much I truly love you. The doctor found that I am with child." My heart as bruised and broken as it was felt flustered.

I met his eyes once more. I noticed a spark that I had not seen earlier. Is Colin happy?

"The doctor said that the baby is quite distressed. Due to obvious actions. So I am to remain on bed rest until he declares otherwise."

"Annabelle. I cannot fathom the words. This is great news. Just the news we need to distract our minds. Annabelle you needn't worry. I promise you I will take care of you and our baby. Why do your eyes seem so troubled?" He gushed.

"Colin. Though I am so happy to bare your child. Child birth is so dangerous, the baby is already distressed. You have a heavy work load, you can't be here 24/7 to dote on my every need. Besides, it's not just that. Look at the disgrace I am lay before you. Colin this is the first time we have spoke, touched even. Colin, I don't know if I could ever be alone again. I'm scared to leave the house, to be alone in a room, to be the only female amongst many men. Colin I am ruined". I glanced at our hands.

"Annabelle, I would give everything up for you. You are my wife, the future mother of my baby. What happened to you." Colin looked at the wall. "I should never have let you leave the bed that morning. I should have been awake and I should have accompanied you to the balcony. None of this is your fault. For it is me who should feel guilt." Colin's gaze never looking back at my own.

"How where you to know? I'm trying to be strong Colin but it's just too soon. This could never be your fault. I promise you I will be okay in the end. I just need time."

Colin looked hesitant.

"What is it?" I asked.

"I spoke with my brother, The viscount. He suggested going back to Mayfair. He thought we might appreciate the extra support and safety. Please don't be alarmed, he is the only one who knows what occurred that night. And he shall remain the only one that knows. I don't want to force you to make any decisions but I strongly advise you to comply. If the doctor seems the journey to be safe for you in your condition."His voice soft until the last statement.

I could see he felt so strongly, but the state of me. The scandalous rumours that is what I could not deal with. 

"Look at me. Imagine the gossip from the ton." I said barely above a whisper.

"We will come to some sort of arrangement. I promise you won't have to fear again."

A long pause took place between us. Colin slowly began to lay next to me. My body wanted to push him away but my heart needed him.

"Okay. Let's go back to Mayfair" I lay my head on his shoulder.

————
Colin and I spent the rest of the day in bed. Just lay there talking about what had happened, I had never noticed how truly therapeutic his tone of voice is. Colin is my therapy, my medicine, my addiction. He made everything better. Being able to open up about everything to him; such a rare quality to have in this day.

He made me smile. He's all I need. No matter the issue, the fear, the pain or trouble... Colin fixes me.

Back to reality, Colin spoke to the guard outside my room asking them to prepare the carriages. He arranged the maids to pack for up to 3 months worth of belongings. Promising me we won't return until I am ready.

I watched him shut the door and smile at me gingerly, climbing up the bed next to me.

"So lord or lady?" Colin gave me a sly smile.