Adventures of Beatrice the Basilisk

Telegram 1: From barbieque_swine HQ

Disclaimer: Do not read this. This is a leaked chapter by a virus we got after clicking on a very realistic popup of Liam Hemsworth dying. We just HAD to know what was going on with him!! If you do read this, pls seek help and note this is only to extend the lore of our sculpted universe that this fanfic has created. We sincerely apologise for any time taken off of your lifespan. Don't worry, last we heard, Liam is ok!

TELEGRAM:

From: barbieque_swine.
2:26 PM,
28 March, 2022.
barbieque_swine HQ, Bermuda Triangle:

Guys... you won't believe what just happened!!

Okay, so Bea got a letter directed to her by the school from Louis P and it is well known that there is only one Louis P in the wizarding world, THE Louis Partridge. His identical twin also has the initials L.P but his name is spelled LouiE not LouiS. Remember this.

Anyways, she got this letter and it was really confusing and scientific and she immediately thought that Louis P had been kidnapped. (This makes sense because Louis has lived in a cave for 11 years (yes he had his birthday!! it was on June 3rd, if you want to celebrate it read Chapter 'Happy Birthday Louis!') and he doesn't know anything scientific because he wasn't listening when Hogrus taught him science. Therefore he couldn't write a scientific letter, so someone scientific must have kidnapped him]. She couldn't go to Hogrus though because she hates him, and she doesn't like Louis enough to get over their disagreement.

So instead she took it upon herself to find Louis. She snuck into the chamber of secrets and found both Louie/s twins and she was like "What!" but they didn't hear so she was able to scurry away quickly.

She told us how she gaslighted herself and was like "Am I hallucinating??"

To confirm the reliability of her hypothesis (we know from the scientific method that reliability is increased when others come to the same conclusion) that Louis had indeed been kidnapped, she had to see if someone else would get the same outcome from reading the letter. She decided Lavid Dukes was the best option, because he told her she could talk to him about anything (remember? If you or your loved ones don't, please refresh by reading Chapter 16: Enemies). She saw his bubble butt bouncing around near the greenhouses and approached him.

"Hey Beatrice," he said as she approached

"Help, I think my twin brother Louis P has been taken," she sobbed, a single tear trickling out of her moistened orbs.

"What?! I didn't know you had a twin?" Professor Dukes asked curiously.

"No, not MY twin, he's part of an identical set who are non-identical and separate from me. you know, Louis P?" Professor Dukes looked puzzled.

"Oh, yes I have heard of him. He's been kidnapped?? Should I notify Headmaster Dippet?"

"No way! You cannot tell Dippet, just... no. I only need your help. Read this letter and tell me if you also think he's been taken." Beatrice handed him the now crumpled letter. What can we say, Beatrice likes to crumple things for the rustic aesthetic.

Professor Dukes read the letter quickly, before saying, "Oh silly silly, this isn't from the one and only Louis Patridge!! This is from Louis Pasteur, world renowned biologist who discovered how diseases are transmitted."

"What? So he's not been kidnapped?"

"No," he laughed.

Beatrice walked back to her room feeling weird. She told us she was really scared for him and we think she has some unresolved issues with the twins. Maybe she does care about their lives? Maybe Hogrus is ruining what could be a strong friendship between Bea and her siblings. We hate him.

Did you know: Louis Pasteur is real and we love him? Thank you for the rabies, and anthrax vaccines, and thank you for the vaccine that cures cholera in chickens. Fly high king.