Adventures of Beatrice the Basilisk

Telegram 3: We're BACK (from the dead)

TELEGRAM:
From: barbieque_swine.
10:04 PM,
14 December, 2023.
barbieque_swine HQ, Bermuda Triangle:

As the anniversary of our last telegram to reach your eyes draws closer, we thought it was about time to send another. You're most welcome, our little snookums! There's a LOT to explain, and even more excuses and reasons to give. We are sighing deeply and drawing lots of air into our lungs through our nasal cavity and out through our oral cavity just thinking about it. So let's just jump right in...

First and foremost, like tinsel on the tree, we decided to cryogenically freeze our bodies. We don't want to get into it right now, but a once-in-a-lifetime business offer came up and we just HAD to take it. Unfortunately, it turned out to be a scam and we thawed out a little too soon.... (#donttrustsalespeople, #survivors).

Our deepest, most real, most raw, sincere, from the bottom of our fatless hearts' apology for keeping this from you, our beloved fans. But we knew you would be begging us not to go ahead with this if you had heard. For cryogenically frozen individuals cannot write. We are extremely sorry for leaving you for almost one (1) whole year due to being frozen. It pained us to leave you, but sometimes in life you have to wait for the good things to come.

We were so very excited for the opportunity to extend our lifespan. The people who froze us incorrectly will repair the irreparable damage that they have inflicted not just on us, but on all those affected by this serious, serious, serious catastrophe, and that's a promise. We will make this right.

Now that we have thawed, we are just aching to get back in our tanks. But as a present under a christmas tree must be opened eventually, our twenty bony, knobbly digits must get to writing.

...That was what we thought, but as soon as we arrived back at our fully decked-out, technologically advanced, state of the art, high-tech HQ, we were immediately hit with an overpowering flare-up of hiatus. (#hiatusisaseriousillness, #justiceforhiatussurvivors). We know how hard our hiatus has been on our beloved, devoted, chic, cray cray fans, but trust us, it has been harder on us.

The symptoms of hiatus, which we cannot disclose right now, are severe. However, we have consumed multiple human-sized bowls of soup along with three horse-sized pieces of toast, to nurse us back to health.

You will be pleased to know that we are now fully recovered.

We wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas, and a happy new year.

Did you know: If Hogrus was French he would be called 'Hogrisse'?

Barbieque_swine will return momentarily,
Wishing you a happy holiday season,
Congrats to alfie deyes and zoella for no reason in particular,
#promisesaremadetobebroken,
-barbieque_swine xo

P.S. On the first day of Christmas our true love sent to us... a PATRIDGE in a pear tree.
P.P.S. We will be back sometime in the near (or distant) future; new chapters have been planned and are under construction... 🌝