Alfinians Rise

On The Road Again

God, this is awkward. 

This is so very awkward. 

It's been over an hour since we departed the camp and Xayben and I have yet to exchange words. Instead, we've sat in silence with stolen glances at one another. The air is so tense you could choke on it and I'm wracking my brain for ways to bring up any conversation. 

The last time we spoke he basically pleaded with me to trust him and I shot him down. I feel kinda bad for it, but at the same time, this is all about survival. I can't afford to trust him, now more than ever. Especially after what happened last night. It's one thing to be attracted to someone, but an entirely different thing to be attracted to your enemy. Even if he doesn't know that he's your enemy. 

I sigh outwardly. 

"Wow, you must be thinking real hard over there." Xayben comments, his eyes on the road as he removes one hand from the wheel to take a sip from his water flask. 

"Excuse me?" I respond, furrowing my brows. 

"You've been sighing loudly for like the past 20 minutes."

"Oh..." Silence. 

"Well, I-" "Did you-" we speak in unison. Fading out once more. Another moment of awkward silence passes and I find myself fiddling with the material of my jacket that's draped across my lap in lieu of a blanket. I'm so unbearably uncomfortable right now. Come on, you can do it. I inhale deeply before turning to face him.  

"Look, let's just get this out of the way now. I get that you're my superior and that you're an officer and all, but this is MY team. We are going to do things my way and you're going to have to deal with it." I state plainly, my voice cool and even toned. 

"Uh huh... Well, as you said. I am your superior, and I really don't like being bossed around. So that's not going to happen," He replies. 

"You're kidding right?" I ask, my eyebrows shooting up in disbelief. 

"Do I look like I'm kidding?" He asks, making eye contact with me briefly before returning his attention to the road. 

"Listen, this is my team. We've been together for months while you've been off galavanting to who knows where and with who. You have no right to barge in and claim authority over me and my team." 

"But I do? It's called being your superior." 

"It's MY team," I emphasize.

"And I outrank you." He snarks. "Look, I'm not looking to step on your toes or anything, obviously you know these people better than me so, of course, I'll look at you to lead, but if shit goes down then you will do as I say if you know what's good for you."

"You really think I'm incapable of doing this on my own?" I sneer, folding my arms across my chest defensively. My blood is boiling. How is it so easy for this man to get me worked up every single time?

"I never said that. All I'm saying is that if something happens, I need you to trust that I'll keep you safe." 

"Again with the trust thing. I've already told you that I don't trust you. You can't just change that with a smile and some pretty words." I bite my words, my annoyance creeping to the surface. 

"Then what will it take to earn your trust?" He replies in earnest. 

"Nothing. There's nothing you can do." I retort. 

"And why is that?" 

Because you're a Ravn. I almost say, but bite back my tongue at the last moment, instead opting to shift my body to stare out the window and watch the bland scenery of sand roll by. My reasoning feels empty, and hypocritical even seeing as I myself am now a Ravn. But it's different. I'm a fraud, an imposter. He's the real enemy.