From Heart With Hate

No More Lies

She was clenching the ends of her sweater so tightly that I wouldn't be surprised if her palms started to bleed any moment from now. Her baggy eyes kept hovering between the window to my nameplate on the glass table between us. This girl looks traumatised and very much in need of a long sleep. I can't even imagine what all she had been through.

"Ms Angelo?" I called her once again, hoping that she would look at me.

I reached near her and slightly touched her knee, but she closed her legs in panic, making my hand linger in the air. Was she sexually abused?

I sighed internally and took my hand away, not wanting to do something and losing the chance to gain her trust on the first day.

"Ms Angelo, how do you feel?" I cleared my throat in the hope of diverting her attention.

"Fine." Her voice sounded almost like a whisper.

From the corner of my eyes, I saw Niccolò standing behind the translucent door. He has grown into a tall and muscular man like his father. The last time I saw him, he was a toddler who used to come with Mr DeVille. He used to sit on the broken wooden chair of my old cabin as quietly as he could, looking outside the window and admiring the evening sky while I treated his father.

That man had bipolar disorder and was severely depressed after his wife was murdered. He must have loved her so much that he didn't have any zeal to live. Today Niccolò might look like his father, but he could never treat his woman like he did. This girl is too young and beautiful to live without any sparkle in her eyes. I pity her for what he had done to her.

"The weather.. it is lovely today, isn't it?" I tried to make a short conversation to get her to open up. It seemed like she wouldn't reply, but to my surprise she did.

"It is going to get better when it rains." She says,

"Is there a happy memory with rain?" I raise my eyebrows in curiosity.

She nods hesitatingly.

"First love?"  Instantly she looked up as if she was shocked that I could read her like that. Thirty-five years into this career, I can see people's emotions through their eyes, no matter how hard they try to conceal them.

"Do you feel like talking about it?"

She gulped before speaking. Still unsure if she should say it or not, probably.

"I met him when I was 8; he taught me how to play the piano."

"You play the piano? Can I hear it ?" I pointed towards the old wooden piano kept in the corner; I play it whenever I miss the love of my life.

"It's been a while since I haven't touched it."

"Why so?" Disappointed is evident in my voice.

"No reason; I just don't like playing it anymore." She says while playing with her fingers silently.

There was an awkward silence for almost 5 minutes until I started asking direct questions.

"I heard you tried to end your life, Ms Angelo."

She closes her eyes as a discrete frown takes over her crusty, colourless lips.

"Why would you do that, child?"

She parts her lips to speak but soon closes them and looks down. Is she ashamed of what she did?
I could hear her sniffling as a teardrop rolled down her cheek.

"It's alright, child. We all go through tough moments. I am glad you're  safe and healthy." I held her hands cautiously, this time to make her feel safe. She needed to trust me so I could know what was bothering her.

"Have faith in God, child; things will get better. You will grow up well and be able to do what you like. You will be able to play the piano again; you'll be able to be happy again, trust me." I said to make her calm down.

She looked at me glossy as her grip around my hands tightened. She needs to trust me.

"I wish that was true." Her voice was barely audible.

"Ms Angelo, you're stronger than you think you are. I know the world you belong to, and I can tell it's not easy to live with those killers and abusers."

She didn't say anything. But her eyes did widen when I said the word "Killers".

"Is something bothering you? You can trust me with your secrets. I promise they won't go out of this room." I signalled towards Niccolò, standing near the door. That's all I can do to help her. I can't set her free, but I can try to lighten up her misery.

"Ms Angelo, let me help you."

"I am nothing different from those people; they kill for fun. I killed for survival."

"How many did—?"

"4" She cuts me off instantly. I gasp in shock, not expecting her to say that with a straight face.

"Why?" It almost came instantly; I immediately regretted saying that. This is too soon to break her trust.

"People do bad things when trying to survive, Doctor Lee."
She says as she turns her head towards the window. It started raining, which I assume brought her heart at ease.

I didn't know what to say. She is a killer.  Well, I knew crimes would be involved because Niccolò DeVille himself came to my house at this odd hour in the morning. Now I had two options: to shut up and treat her or die. I was in a grave dilemma, but the psychiatrist inside me wanted to help her.

"It must have been hard... there's a limit one can handle..." That's all I could manage to speak.

"Initially, I thought if I become more like them and less like me, It will be just fine. But . . . but I was wrong. The blood on my hand has given me nothing but pain. Misery. Insanity. Paranoia. Sleepless nights. Whenever I close my eyes, I see blood, lifeless bodies of people I killed, their faces mocking me. I will end up in hell, and w, when I do, they all will rip me apart. No one will be there to help me. No one..will —"

"Don't think like that, child."

She didn't say anything, just kept on sobbing.

"When did it start ?".. erm..the urge to kill people.."

"In that place .... the club where I used to.."

"At the strip club? What exactly happened?"

She looks down as she traps her head between her hands. Finally, she looked up and sighed before speaking.

"... they all hated me for my work.. one day they barged inside my chamber ...and kicked me... until I was unconscious ... the pain was too much ... I could barely reach my house... later that night I found out I had an abortion. I didn't know I was pregnant with my... rapist's child....and... I couldn't tell anyone. I couldn't call the doctor... I didn't have anyone to help me and — at that moment, lying half-conscious on the bathroom floor, I  heard some voices, and from that day, there isn't a single moment that they have left me alone..."

 
"Do you want to get rid of them?" 

"I have tried everything to please them, but they are always there to torment me and never make me forget about the kind of monster I have become. It is karma after all, isn't it?" 

"You can still redeem your past wrongdoings. You have your life in front of you, child. "

"There's ain't no rest for the wicked, Dr Lee. " She smiled weakly.

Well, I guess it is true.

A/N

:(