From Heart With Hate

Euphoria

"Do you regret doing what you did?" My therapist asked. It's the fifth time in 2 weeks that I'm visiting his office. He keeps asking me similar questions every visit, like he wants me to reveal something. Something that can turn the tables.

"Why would I?" I answered, getting impatient with his stupid repetitive questions.

"Well..that's what most of my patients feel guilt.. hatred... anger... suicidal...?"

I feel my nails digging into my thighs, making cresent marks over the smooth skin.

"Aren't you tormented by the memories ?"

"You are asking me if I blame myself ?" I finally look up, trying to control the hatred in my eyes.

He nods reluctantly.

"Yes, I do. I blame myself for getting hurt by those monsters' hands. But no, I don't regret murdering people; given a chance to do that again, I won't hesitate to tear them apart."

Lee sighs; I hate when he makes me feel like a miserable little girl who needs help.

"It's not you are speaking; it's the evil voices inside your brain. You need to get rid of them."

I roll my eyes.
"How many times do I need to tell you? I can't; I have tried every—"

"You must like being the victim, don't you ?" He cuts me off.

Huh? I looked at him with my eyebrows and frowned.

"You don't have the courage to fight their voices, so you submitted and became a slave. You are scared of being alone and abandoned as you've always been."

"..Sh—Shut up.."

"Are you that pathetic, Angelo?"

My breathing felt heavy, and everything around the office began to collapse. All I could hear was his voice mocking me for what I'd become. His smirking face was on me.

"I SAID SHUT UP !" I took a gun out of my boot and shot him right where his heart resides, feeling splashes of the older man's blood towards me.

I flinched as I opened my eyes; I was in my room. I almost sat up and realised Niccolò's arms were wrapped around my waist. My fingers wandered on my face only to admit I was sweating badly; the sweat felt like the hot crimson blood of the man I killed in my dream.

I slowly got free from Niccolò's arms; my gaze wet toward the wall clock. It was only 3:30 AM. The last thing I remember is getting out of Lee's clinic. Did I sleep in the car?

I walked into the bathroom to wash my face. I didn't look up in the mirror, fearing that I would see the blood over my body. I felt a little calm as I felt the cool soothing liquid on my face.

You did a great job.

I felt someone hovering near my right shoulder. I looked around only to see beautiful tiles of the bathroom surrounding me.

I was surprised when you killed the doc.

I almost screamed when  I saw a black figure behind me in the mirror. It was faceless, like a shadow.

That was so hot and so so brutal.

"It was in my dreams! I can't control what I see in my dreams!"