*This is something I am working on that links to a possible idea I have for my dissertation...this will be edited quite often. It's not finished it's just a work in progress!! Just an FYI!*
I'm no stranger to being the awkward one.
To being the weird one, the one who says funny things or makes eye contact way too much.
And seeming way too forward when I message or talk to people.
Psst - I just want to talk someone and since I rarely talk to just anyone, rest assured when I talk to you it's because I see something in you that comforts the scared inner child of me, so chill the fuck out okay?
Don't make it weird and assume I'm obsessed or trying to get a lucky dip in if you get my drift?
Basically, if I wanted to take a trip to poundtown, I wouldn't be so polite and friendly about it.
I'm one who gets straight to the point!
In simple, easy to understand terms...
Friendly, I want to be your friend.
Straight to the point saucy minx - I want you to rail me.
Get the picture?
Where was I.....oh yeah!
I'm no stranger to being the second choice.
To being left for the more beautiful, physically fit, shapely beings who barely wobble when they walk and their thighs or boobs don't clap when they turn over or sit down.
How nice that must be.
I'm no stranger to being cheated on, abused, demeaned, humiliated, intimidated, or gaslighted.
Or being told, I'm crazy and imagine things when shifty shady behaviour occurs.
I won't go further - let's just say that, though, I wish I wasn't; I'm used it.
I'm no stranger to being alone.
Notice I said alone and not lonely?
That's because there is a difference.
I like my company more than I should, but sometimes my mind is my worst enemy.
Instead of shaking hands and making amends, we're fighting mind and feelings versus me.
Only I'm not sure who is the real enemy.
It's shocking to me how the only time I don't feel alone is when I say their name, and I'm surrounded by what my heaven feels like.
Stop. It's too painful for me to think about what will never be.
The sharp pain I'm feeling is indigestion from swallowing my feelings.
I'm no stranger to the voices.
The voices that tell me I'm not worth a damn, that this is what I deserve, I asked for this, this is my fault, that I need to shake myself, give my head a shake, suck it up, get over it, it's not real it's all in my head.
I'M NO STRANGER!
But I wish I was.
