You can't really see it unless you look hard enough, if you really focus you can look right through.
People get too good at putting it on, a show, a brave face, a facade.
For some it's building up defences, an unbreakable barrier, a wall, a fence.
But if you look really look, you can see little signs that they aren't what they seem to be.
It's there in the ones who work so hard to convince you that everything is normal.
It's in the one who laughs too much.
The one who sends you silly messages just to make your day a little better.
The one who smiles and greets you every morning as you pass them by.
In the way they care about everyone, even strangers.
How they give so much of their time to their loved ones and insist that you needn't worry.
It's in the words "I'm fine, I'm okay".
But look at their eyes.
Though their smile is so bright, their laughter full of warmth, and their heart full of love - there's pain.
In their eyes there is so much sadness, so much hurt and hatred.
Not towards others but towards themselves.
And questions, so many questions they are trying to find the answers to.
To feel normal, to ease the suffering, to make the confusion unravel and make sense again.
Behind Closed Doors they aren't the charismatic colourful soul that spreads happiness like wild fire.
Inside them the fire is cold, a glacier.
The warmth they give to others is never directed inwardly to themselves.
Their demons curl and wind around them in suffocating masses of dark thick tendrils.
Their tears as they cry silently, are a plea for someone to see and save them.
Some seek an outlet, an escape from the torment, be it alcohol, drugs, sex or self harm.
Some feel as though they have gone too far into the darkness and with no torch to guide them they become lost.
So lost in their own mind that with such grief and sadness they say goodbye and drift way from the universe.
Please.
Please look, really look, sit down and talk to your friends and loved ones, and if you are that person who feels so lost, it's okay.
It's okay to feel lost, you are not alone, you're never alone.
I know the darkness is scary, and the thoughts are angry and frightening.
I know you flirt with those ideas that come to you late at night and you question "what if?"
What if you weren't here anymore? Would it be so bad?
What if I ended it all, would anyone miss me?
What if I said goodbye?
What if I gave up?
I know. I know the answer.
Because I've asked myself those questions too.
And often I flirt with those ideas, those thoughts.
And what keeps me going, what gives me hope - is knowing there are people out their who see me.
They see my struggle, though i try to hide it.
And they love me still though at times my mind is so dark.
And there are people out there who will see you too.
I see you.
Keep on going.
Though you can't see them there are people wondering the same road as you, no light, no feeling of hope.
Don't let those ideas and thoughts in.
Don't let them tell you you're better off not being here, that nobody cares, that you're nothing special.
Because they're lying to you.
You're better off living, the world is so much better with you here, and it has wonders waiting for you.
People do care. I care.
And you are so special, so precious and unique and there is only one you.
Be you. Be wonderful, be spectacular, be everything and anything you want to be.
You're not alone.
And I promise, no matter how bad it seems right now, you will get through this.
