𝐌𝐘 𝐁𝐋𝐄𝐄𝐃𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓, ruel van dijk

five

𝐀 𝐔 𝐑 𝐄 𝐋 𝐈 𝐀

I have been feeling sleepy a lot these days, especially today. When we came back home, I didn't eat anything and only slept. When I woke up, at around 5.30 pm, I saw Celestine isn't in my room. I went downstairs and I still can't spot her.

When I asked my mum about her, she said that she has gone out with Ruel.

Of course she has.

I decided to let go of this thought and take Loki out for a walk. With his leash tight around him and firmly gripped by my hand, we both walk out of our house.

Which leads us to the current moment: me walking inside the park. The same park where I saw Ruel play basketball for the first time, and I couldn't help but awe at how well he plays.

I can't help but think about how I thought Ruel would actually be a big part of my life when I met him, and when we both went out together. I showed him something I have never shown anyone. Showing him the abandoned building meant being vulnerable to him. I go there to have the most personal thoughts; thoughts which I'd rather always keep within me and never show to anyone. And each time, it felt as if I'm tucking those thoughts away in the dusty walls of the building. Even though no one else can see it, but everytime I walk in there, I can see my thoughts imprinted on the walls, loud and proud.

As me and Loki continue to walk on the gravelled path, Loki suddenly barks out loud and picks up speed - almost beginning to run. I was submerged in my thoughts that I didn't even realise when my grip had completely loosened on the leash. With a sudden and strong tug, Loki ran away, the leash flailing in the air as he runs. I begin to run after him, calling his name out, but he suddenly stops in front of a tree near a bench.

"Loki," I say, finally reaching up to him and picking his leash from the ground. "Don't run away like that." Just as I begin to walk, I hear two familiar voices coming from the bench.

Celestine and Ruel.

I stay fixated in my position behind the tree, and make sure that Loki stays behind the tree too. I keep as quite as I can, and try to listen what they are talking about.

"Ruel, can I be honest with you about something?" Celestine begins.

"Yes, what is it?" I hear Ruel ask.

"I... I know we haven't known each other for long, it's just been two days, but I really want to get to know you better, Ruel. And not just as a friend... maybe, something more?" She ends off her statement more like a question. My heart beneath my t-shirt begins to thump loudly as I anticipate for Ruel's reply.

"I think, I'd really like that." Ruel says, almost whispering. "Celestine, can I take you out on a date?"

My heart drops listening to the last question. I already know what Celestine will say, I don't have to stay here anymore to listen to both of them talk. I pull Loki from his leash and both of us begin to walk back on the same path we came from.

Every single time I see them together, or hear both of them talk about the other in a way no one has ever talked about me, I can't help but feel as if my heart - as fragile as a piece of glass - is breaking apart. Why does it happen? Why can't I, like any other normal person, support my two friends and their possible relationship?