James/Carvelli Extras

a day turned around (A+A)

Alani

"Come here. Come here, Apollo."

"I don't know what's wrong," I can tell he's holding back his tears as he sits down and lays across me and I hold him.

I can tell he's having an anxiety attack. His doctors say it can be random and for no reason and he shouldn't hold on his emotions.

"Let's sing a song," I suggest

"No, thanks," he shakes his head. His body shakes a bit and I feel his jaw tremble.

I run my hand through his hair and kiss his forehead.

"Alani and Apollo. It's just us, my teddy bear. Focus on me," I look in his grey, red shot, eyes, "Angel and her teddy bear," I run my hand down the side of his face and he closes his eyes, a tear spilling out and I wipe it away.

Having a neurodivergent husband isn't always easy. He has his days when I'm afraid to leave him, days when he won't stop crying and weeks when he goes home to his parents house.

Being pregnant now I get nervous. Not because I doubt his abilities as a father, but my ability to mother.

I know Apollo's parents and Val and my brothers will help us all the time. But they won't always be there.

"You're ok, baby. We're just having a bad today and that's ok," Apollo nods his head and takes a deep breath.

Dominates also need to be taken care of. They need to be showed the love that we, submissives, get shown.

"What are you thinking about?" I realize after that, that was a mistake to ask that question.

His breathing gets heavier and his body shakes. He closes his eyes and tightens his hold on me.

"It's ok. It's ok to cry, baby," I wipe is face.

He breaks his hold and sobs come out of his mouth. I hold him tighter and kiss his face.

"It's too loud. There's too much going on," he sniffles. I hold his hands in my other hand so he can't hit himself.

Sometimes if he has too many things going on in his brain he tends to hit his ears as a sign of distress.

"Sing with me, please. I want you to finish after I stop singing," I instruct

"You live in my dream state
Relocate my fantasy
I stay in reality
You live in my dream state
Any time I count sheep
That's the only time we make up, make up
You exist behind my eyelids, my eyelids
Now, I don't wanna wake up" I sing softly and wait for my husband to start the next verse

"20/20, 20/20 vision
Cupid hit me, cupid hit me with precision, eye
Wonder if you look both ways when you cross my mind
I said, I said
I'm sick of, sick of, sick of, sick of chasing
You're the one that's always running through my daydreams, I
I can only see your face when I close my eyes
So..." He sings while hiccuping and stopping between lyrics

"Can I get a kiss?
And can you make it last forever?
I said, I'm 'bout to go to war
And I don't know if I'ma see you again
Can I get a kiss?
And can you make it last forever?
I said, I'm 'bout to go to war
And I don't know if I'ma see you again" His breathing regulates and he starts taking more deep breathes.

"Another song, please," he mumbles

"I said you look pretty
All strung out on coke
You said it's not funny
But it wasn't a joke
And you won't remember
But I carried you home
You sat in the shower
While I washed off your clothes" I sing

"But isn't that what friends are for
Even if we used to be more?
Like lovers or partners in crime
And you were still mine" Apollo sings back to me

I watch his eyes flutter closed and I can't help but remember the young Apollo. When we were kids and he'd fall asleep next to me after helping me with my anxiety. He looks so peaceful.

"I love you so much," I kiss his forehead once more before moving so he can lay down on the couch.

I grab my phone and go into the kitchen and call Val.

"Hey, babes. What's up?" My best friend answers

"Just... I helped Apollo out with an anxiety attack and you know how I get after," I sigh

Whatever Val was doing, she's now stopped because I hear a pen being put down which means I have her attention.

"What are you feeling right now?" she asks

"I... I hate watching him go through this. The pain in his eyes, I just want it to go away. I just want my husband to be at peace. He's tired," I sniffle

"It's ok to cry. It's not easy. I've seen my pat cry all the time because of this. You don't know how appreciative Apollo is of you. He worries just like you do. He worries that this is too much for you. You know he loves everything you do, you put him at peace and he doesn't want it any other way," Val tells

Apollo talks to Val everyday. Sometimes over text or over call, but they talk about everything.

"You can cry, and that's ok, but remember that you helping him, doesn't go unnoticed. He remembers everything you do and always figures out a way to give back."

I talk with Val a bit more to distract myself, before hanging up and starting on dinner. I've decided to make a classic chicken noodle soup as that's Apollo's favourite to eat on an off day.

When he wakes up from his nap, I'm just about finished making the soup.

"You hungry?" I ask and he nods, walking over.

I fill a bowl with soup and grab some crackers before placing it down on the table.

"Come. Sit," Apollo mumbles, tapping his lap.

I sit on his lap and he wraps an arm around my waist.

"Did my wife and kids eat?" He asks quietly and I shake my head, "Open"

He lets me have the first bite and we alternate each spoonful. It amazes me how he can have the worst day of his life and still try to take care of me.

"Hey, look at me," I grab his head, "I love you."

He smiles, so faintly that anyone who doesn't know my husband wouldn't notice, and it makes me smile. "I love you too, Angel."

We hold each other for a few minutes and then Apollo excuses himself to go take a shower.

I clean up the kitchen before heading to our room. Apollo's still in the bathroom when I enter the room, but when he comes out, I have to check him.

His doctors say even if he's on medication, the days he has an anxiety attack I should still check for cuts.

"You're all clear, my love. Thank you," I stand on my tip-toes and give him a peck on the cheek.

He blushes before nodding. He goes into the closet and changes.

I get in the bed and rub my growing belly.

"Two more months before we can meet you two," I mumble

Apollo comes back into the room and lays on the bed next to me.

"Anyone awake in there?" Apollo asks, his hand on the right side of my stomach.

I feel a kick on my left, "Someone's right here," I take his hand and move it. The baby keeps kicking and we both smile.

"Papa had a sad day today. But your mommy helped him. Your mommy is the best woman in the world, next to your grandma," Apollo says

This time I feel a kick on both sides of my stomach.

"We've got two visitors," I move his other hand to the other spot.

Apollo loves feeling them kick. He always smiles.

For the rest of the night I have two active babies and a husband with a huge smile on his face. Sure we didn't start off with a good day, but there's always something to turn it around.

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