Daisy (lashton)

Chapter 50

Luke didn't know what to expect when he'd answered the door and invited May in. Hell, he'd been seconds away from hiding in his room and pretending not to be home. But Luke was done being a coward. He'd spent years of his life hiding from his past, from the decisions he'd had no control over and stewing in the regret and guilt that settled beneath his ribcage.

The thought of losing Ashton caused him physical pain, and he knew the longer he didn't confront his problems, the closer he became to a reality without Ashton in it. It wasn't fair to the father he'd fallen head over heels for. All he'd asked for was stability, and Luke knew as long as he hid from his past, he'd never be able to provide it.

So, in an act of bravery very unlike the Luke he'd come to know the last few years, he pulled open the door and attempted to smile at the woman before him.

"Not still sleeping with married men I hope?" The teasing tone to her voice did little to quell the sting Luke felt in his chest. He gestured her in, taking a seat on the edge of the couch as she moved gracefully to seat herself on the opposite end. He took a moment to take her in; long hair curled perfectly in waves, pressed pants and string of dainty pearls across her chest. She looked nothing like he remembered her; mascara stained and screaming, but Luke could only assume time fixed that.

She quirked up a perfectly polished eyebrow and that's when Luke noticed he'd been staring for quite some time without answering.

"No, fuck no." He breathed out, his hands shaking as he tucked them under his thighs.

May sighed, scooting closer and grabbing one of Luke's hands between her own. "Why am I here, Luke?"

Straight to the point. Luke could respect that.

"I've met someone," Luke said, staring down at their intertwined hands. "I've met someone and I... It's serious. I haven't felt this way about someone since..." He cleared his throat and laughed. "Actually, I've never felt this way about someone come to think of it. But I just, I've been holding back from him and I want to do right by him because god, he deserves someone so much better than me. But I'm selfish and I... I love him. I love him so much and I want to be enough for him. I want to be enough and I'm afraid that I can't be because I've been so scared to get close to anyone since, well, everything happened and I can't keep holding back on him because sooner or later he's going to realize he's too good for me and- and I just needed to say I'm sorry and make sure you were okay. Because if you ended up okay then maybe I have a chance of being okay..." Luke sucked in a deep breath as he finished rambling, trailing off in the most pathetic way. He'd had a plan of what he wanted to say, and yet it seems the minute he opened his mouth it all went out the window.

He forced his eyes up when he was met with only silence and saw the corners of her mouth tugging up in a smile.

"Has anyone ever told you that you ramble when you're nervous?"

Although the anxiety was still churning heavily in his stomach, Luke laughed. "Ashton's told me before."

May pursed her lips in a small smile as she squeezed his hand. "Ashton?"

Luke noticed the roiling anxiety in his stomach lessen slightly at the name "Yeah."

"Well he must be something if just the sound of his name makes you smile like that." May patted his hand as Luke ducked down, hoping to hide the rush of color he was sure was splattered across his cheekbones.

"He is, he's... everything."

Quiet settled between them as May took in his words.

"Luke, look at me."