The Solace Of Infernos

22. Let Me Be

"Are you hiding something from me?" He closed the door and started coming toward my chair, and stopped right behind my chair. "Are you?" At that very moment, I forgot to breathe. A thousand things were going on in my mind and one thing I was most sure about was that I wasn't yet ready to tell him. Not yet. 

He spun my chair so that I was now facing him and we were so close I could breathe in his scent. It took a lot not to take a whiff. But then he leaned in closer without touching me how did he do that I have no idea. I couldn't look into his eyes. I knew what was waiting for me if I did. 

I leaned back into the chair trying to push myself away from him as much as I could. I rested my head against the chair and sighed rubbing my hands on my face. My mouth felt so dry at the moment but I had no choice. I have to face him better now than later. I took in a deep breath and looked him in the eye. 

"I need you to leave, Mr. Malhotra." Way to go mish I internally applauded myself. Tons of pep talk and this is what I could come up with. I hoped he wouldn't fight me this once and just leave me alone. 

"Stop calling me that." His jaw tightened, well he was angry now. He has pulled that on me so many times, guess what he was getting the taste of his own medicine and he couldn't handle it. Too bad for him cause I wasn't in the state to give him anything else. 

When I refused to do anything about it he tried another approach. I quite didn't expect the approach... it was a sort of left my mouth open approach.

He looked down, more like his neck hung on his shoulders as if he was giving up. He pressed both his knees on the ground and gently enveloped both my hands in his. He sighed touching his forehead on our joint hands that were resting on my lap.

My breath hitched at his posture he didn't look like Vikram. He didn't look like the alpha male I was in love with. He looked so vulnerable and for the first time in my life, I didn't know how to cheer him up.

"I will. I won't bother you again. Just tell me everything is okay. You're okay." He didn't look up, he stayed still on the floor.

I felt like I lost any sort of control I had over my emotions. It was all settling in. I was about to leave the world. I was about to leave this guy who knew me and my very soul. The guy who stood in the way of any pain that ever came my way. This guy would stand all the hate I threw his way if it meant he was saving me from this big bad world.

I was a fool to think he wouldn't know. He knew he always did. He knew something was wrong. I was a fool to think that there would be a time in my life when he would not be there for me.

At that very moment, it all started rushing in. The time he covered me to take any bullet aimed at me. When he distracted the mob and made me come in another car. When he made me hate him and like the fool I am did nothing and left him alone. I just couldn't look past the hurt, maybe I did and wanted him to feel the same way. But that was it I wasn't letting him get hurt anymore. 

I pulled my hands back from his. It made him look at me and then I noticed the bags under his eyes and his eyes. The eyes that let out everything he was unable to say. He was letting down his walls letting me see how bad he was hurting in the process of saving me.

How could I be mad at him? I never was mad at him, to begin with. I was just upset, I was being a kid not accepting the fact that we were not normal. We could never be normal. And like always I was throwing a tantrum when things didn't go as I wanted them to. It was always me who gave up when things got a little hard while he fought tooth and nail to keep me safe.

I looked up not being able to see the effect I had on him. And to keep the tears at bay but one traitorous tear just slipped out. He reached out to wipe it. I held his hand enough of him wiping my tears. I had to learn to do it myself. And he had to learn to live for himself.