The Solace Of Infernos

25. Unleashed

Dedicated to @vividhashahvivi

"Marry me, mish"

What! Fisting the cloth covering his chest before I pushed him away and stood up, pacing around the room. This wasn't supposed to go like this. Marriage, he wants to bond us forever while I'm not sure about the foreseeable future.

"No."

"No? " He questioned like I said the most unexpected thing.

"Don't look at me like that mister. What the fuck are you doing! Marriage? Is this all a game to you?" I shouted this was really fucking with my head...Upsetting very disturbing. "What is wrong with you? " Every bit appalled from how lightly he brought this up.

His whole face countered with frustration. The bone of his jaw was flexing.  

What the fuck is going on here. I push my hair back and try to focus on my breathing. Yeah sure get married to me when just the thought of it makes me hyperventilate.

He is hot on his heels to get me water and tried to help me drink it. I push it away I need some much-needed space. "Don't be stubborn."

 I turn around and walk into the balcony. Breathing in and out cautiously. When I hear something crash like glass breaking. Oh, fuck my life this is gonna go down real bad than I expected it to.

He had dashed the glass on the wall. A vein in his head popped his face turning red. He marched towards me and pushed me into the wall trapping me effectively knocking out any clarity I just gathered. And my stupid insides start to melt. This isn't romantic stupid insides. He's mad I'm mad and we are fighting so calm your tits.

Both of us are breathing hard our chests touching every time we inhale. Amazingly we breathe in perfect sync. 

"Wrong with me. Nothing is fucking wrong with me." He slams his hand on the wall right beside my head and I don't even flinch. Either I'm too good at this or I trust him too much for my good.

"You're deathly pale right now you're taking all those meds and you fucking heave after every step you take." He pushes himself away from the wall. "So you tell me, Mannat what is wrong? "

I winced at the sound of my name. Feeling self-conscious I wrapped my arms around myself turning around to find the mirror right in front of me across the room. He was right I was pale, my eyes were sunken with purple outlining them, a mess. A skinny fucked-up-on-the-verge-of-losing-my-sanity-mess.

"Everything. It's all wrong. I-I... we." I pointed at the both of us trying to explain to him thousands of words forming in my head but I was unable to speak them out loud. No matter how hard I tried to form at least one complete sentence and tried and tried. But my vocabulary was narrowed down to 'I' and 'we'. And panic rolled off of me in waves. 

"Why are you doing this to me." I hated the way my voice broke at the end. "Just go back to not caring and minding your own business alright. Just go back to pretending you don't care. It was so much easier that way. I promise I won't be around this time to disturb you."

"And I'm scared fucking shitless. To wake up and go through the day without you annoying the hell out of me. I need a dose of you to get through life, Mish"  He covered the lower half of his face with the crook of his elbow. "Don't give up on me."

 I ground my teeth, oh how I wanted my chin to stop wobbling and my voice to stay steady. But who am I kidding when has my body ever listened to me when it comes to this insufferable being who happens to not care about shit when it comes to me but still ends up hurting me the most.

 Especially when he looks at me like he is going to consume me whole. When his pupils dilate looking all the more black and deep when the white starts turning red and the veins start running from the corners to everywhere.  Like I loved him to look at me but right now it was scary cause I've got a secret. It was taking everything to keep it a secret anymore.

He's got me so fucked up.

"You don't get to say that." Biting both my lips shaking my head. "Let me be. Please." I tilted my head slightly to the side my voice so slow I wasn't sure he heard. But he did from the hurt and anger partly directed at me and partly at himself in his eyes.

"You want me to leave you alone." A vein popped at the temple of his head when I nodded defiantly. His Adam's apple bobbed up and down he nodded back. "Very well."

He pushed himself away from me and turned around. I let the tear fall out of my eye my mask cracking and the ache in my chest intensified. I pressed my finger against gazing at his taught back. 

All air left my body and I knew I looked a hundred shades of unprepared when he turned back and hovered over me taking back his earlier position. His palm now on my throat and his fingers angling my neck to look me in the eye. His hand wrapped around my nape, throat, and jaw like a snake. 

"Say it. Out loud for once and for all and mean it when you say it." His hold tightened just a bit around my throat. This side of him was scaring the shit out of me he wasn't composed and controlled. It was as if he had unleashed everything he felt for me and now it was bursting out in any way it could.

I lowered my eyes and he tutted. "Look at me in the eye and tell me to get lost, Miss Roy." 

I couldn't and he knew that. Not when he was baring himself to me. All his walls were down completely and absolutely defenseless. Please don't make me do that I'm already way too broken to go through that. He read my eyes even though they were blurry.

He pushed me further into the wall his nose touching mine every bit of me covered and sheltered by every bit of him. His lips touched mine in the slightest way possible.  His eyes pooled and blurry matching mine. But a passion and challenge lingering in them. 

"Loved me with all you got." His thumb delicately traced my jaw. "Might as well break me right."