At War

||20. The Twentieth||

Tuesday, XXXX

Dear one, I have said this too many times now for it to sound sane. I miss... well everything. I miss the easy calm of home, I miss sitting on the windowsill and reading, I miss going to school. Do you think I would have ever been any good at college? Of course, I know, it was necessary to work, and I would not have it any other way. I would forever toil at the docks, at the diners, and even at the construction sites; if it meant your and my family could live better. But sometimes, like now, I wonder if I would have been any good at college. I always wanted to go there. It is a whole new world, or so I hear from one of my comrades. He used to go to college before dropping out to join the army. (There are people who do that?) Do you ever think of it? I can picture you there, a scholar, with ink stains on your fingers and a rusty pen in your hand plodding through texts at the library. I think, it would be very warm and sweet if you would behave that way. I can almost see you in one of these long robes and getting your graduation certificate from your professor, and I can actually see you going forward to become a professor. It would be so clever of you. You are clever, you know. Not necessarily street-smart, that's more me. But you are clever. You would have done very well there.

Sometimes, I think it's a shame that no one could have sent you to college. Sometimes, I hate our poverty, for you could have gone to college and read and written. And being such a good scholar, then you might have landed one of those jobs. You could have been a professor, I presume. But you could also be one of those high-collared guys that go to offices. And I could brag about it to others for hours on end. I would have taken much pride in it. Although, I am still very proud of you - minus the enlistment thing, that is. I don't think I have still forgiven you for joining the army when you could have done so, so, so much more. You don't realize how important and special you are, and I don't think I will ever stop saying that to you, you know. I will keep saying it until you believe it. As they say, fake it till you make it.

You would wonder why I became so educational suddenly. I really wanted to study for a long, long time, but more than that, I think it is something one of our comrades did. He has this book about this English guy, Shakespeare. And there is this beautiful quote:
"Doubt thou the stars are fire;
Doubt that the sun doth move;
Doubt truth to be a liar;
But never doubt I love."

Is it not such a beautiful quote? I would say this to you again and again and again. Earlier, I used to feel afraid to put a name to my feelings, but now I do not. Shakespeare was such an educated man, and he did not fear it. He wrote a story about a Prince named Hamlet. His father was the King of Denmark. Hamlet's father was killed by his uncle. Afterwards, his mother married his uncle and Hamlet got real unhappy about it. But then, one night, the ghost of Hamlet's father turned up, and wanted him to kill his uncle. But like all of us, Hamlet was an indecisive person. Several times he tried to kill him, but every time he came up with an excuse to spare his life until he finally lost his own. It's a beautiful story. I have not read it, but my comrade told me. It is incredibly clever of people to read it and write it, I think. I would like to be one of those people. How lovely do you think it would be - if we could sit and read tomes and... Oh, the possibilities! I wish I could read all these important things, and I wish I could go to college. You know what? I think I will, after.

Sincerely yours,

The Soldier