Lost in a Maze

Chapter 24: Pushing through

I cried all evening. It's amazing how easily the effects of drink can wear off when someone's upset. Or, when you're the person crying.
I sat on my bed, my knees drawn up to my chest, face buried in my hands. Emily and Newt stood in front of me, trying to be comforting whilst Gally and Thomas dealt with Rick elsewhere.

Newt leant forwards to put his hand on my shoulder, but I snapped at him, telling him not to touch me. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry please believe me, I told him to stop, I didn't cheat on you," I just sobbed, terrified the whole situation would have been taken wrongly.

"Erin, Erin stop." Newt said firmly, not touching me as wished. "I know, I know you didn't want it."
Emily and him exchanged a worried glance, I felt the sickening drop of my heart.

"I'm sorry." I drew in a deep breath, and held it for a moment before letting go. "I'm alright. It's fine." I wiped my own tears away, drying my hands on my jeans. I swallowed hard, and Newt said, "You have nothing to be sorry for. He did this to you, it's not your fault. He tried to take away your strength, and your pride. You can't apologise for that."

Trying not to cry at what Newt had said, I got up and walked to the mirror, sighing at my mascara, tear stained face, and steaming up the mirror slightly as I did. Cleaning myself up with wipes, Emily and Newt both tried words of encouragement like, "I hope you're okay," and, "You didn't deserve it."
They were right of course, nobody does, but I couldn't shake the feeling that it was karma of some kind. Like maybe, I was an exception.

I dried my face and took another deep breath. "Right. Let's go."

"What?!" They both stared at me as if I were crazy.

"It's Christmas, and I'm not spending it being upset by the actions of a stupid boy." I said firmly, fixing up my boots. "Let's go." I turned to open the door, but Newt grabbed my arm and pulled me back. "Wait, Erin."

A shiver ran up my arm and my stomach turned, I just stared at him. Then down at my arm, and back up at him. He stepped back, letting go. "I'm sorry. Are you sure you're alright?"

I tensed my jaw, gritting my teeth hard. I hated Rick, I hated what he did to me. But this was not how I was doing things again, not after Ben. No. I needed to be stronger than that. He didn't take my pride. Or my strength.
"It's fucking Christmas. Let's go enjoy ourselves."

I swung opened the door and strode across the Glade, back to the now more silent festivities, with Emily and Newt on my heels. Everyone went quiet as they saw me, awkwardly sipping their drinks.
"Tulip, you sure you're alright to be here?" Fry asked, genuine concern on his face.

"Yeah, it's fucking Christmas, let's go!" I yelled, and everyone cheered with me. I didn't see Gally and Thomas for the rest of the evening. Mind you, I didn't see much the rest of the evening. I ended up blackout drunk.

***

The pain that pierced my brain the next morning, was brutal. But, Clint and Jeff conjured up some medicine, which helped immensely.

"Erin, I'm worried about you." Newt admitted that morning, "I've never seen you so drunk. I know what he did to you was- "

I looked him dead in the eye. "No one did anything to me. I'm fine."

He sighed and left, allowing me to get changed for work. I would ignore what happened at Christmas forever. It wasn't important. However what did worry me, was my mental reaction to it. As much as I denied the horrible feelings, I still didn't allow Newt to touch me. And of course that worried me, would he still want me if he couldn't touch me?

As I was working, he must have forgotten and came up late afternoon, his hands on my hips, and kissed my cheek. "You alright love?" He mumbled into my ear, before heading swiftly off again to finish up what he was doing.