precious # narusasu

5

the week went by somewhat fast. sasuke and i began hanging out more often, or should i say everyday. lee, shikamaru, kiba and i went shopping together and i was finally able to buy more pills. sure it wasn't as many as i wanted but it was enough to last me a month if i took half a day. i lay comfortably in my bed, wrapped in covers as i reply to sasukes stupid messages. he's always bothering me 24/7 about the dumbest things. like, "i just ate miso soup," or "i'm sleepy," it's kinda annoying how he continues to update me about his life every minute of the day but i tolerate it because he's something like a friend to me now, i guess. shikamaru says he likes me but we've only known each other for a good week or so, plus, if he liked me he would've had sex with me that day, right? anyways, this is off topic but, the other day, i went to the mall with sasuke and he bought me a bunch of stuff. not sure why but if i had my eyes on stealing it he bought it for me instead. i could honestly get used to this.

earlier sasuke asked to come over and i agreed. which was probably a bad decision on my end because i had gotten high as hell before he came. i could hear knocking at the door, knowing it was sasuke. i pull myself out of the warmth of my bed, my feet going numb from the coldness of the floor. i walk into my living room, pulling the front door open. sasukes smile quickly dropped to a frown and i could see his fist clench. he walked in and i closed the door, sure to lock it. i exhale deeply, here comes another lecture. "how're you feeling?" sasuke asks. i shrug a little, sitting beside him on my sofa, "like shit," i say, laying my head back. "you told me you were sober all week," he mumbles. i nod, laughing, "i did, didn't i?" "what're you laughing about?" sasuke turns to look at me, clearly not happy. "where are the pills naruto?" he asks. "like hell if i'd tell you," i hum. sasuke got up and began looking, he looked and looked and suddenly, my heart plummeted. i left them on my bathroom sink. i get up quickly to race sasuke to the bathroom, only to be pushed backwards. "sasuke don't!" i scream, hurrying back to my feet. too bad he locked the fucking door huh? i bang on the door, screaming loudly. "if you throw those away i'll kill myself, i swear i will!" i bang on the door, giving up when i hear the toilet flush. my body falls limp to the ground as i cry. he does this every fucking time. comes in and takes away everything from me. my weed, my pills, my alcohol, my blades, everything.

what makes him think he has any right to do that? making choices for me as if he's my parent or my lover or anything to me. i cry loudly, pulling at my hair and ripping some of it out. my mind is all over the place as i think of ways to release my anger. my addiction was getting worse, i could feel it. and my body was getting weaker. i'm sure i won't last much longer. "naruto..." sasuke says softly, pulling me into a firm and tight hug. and i swear it's like i'm high all over again. a sense of euphoria rushes over me faster than any drug ever has as i lay in his arms, sobbing. my anger is gone, i don't feel the need to harm myself anymore. i feel safe and content, in the arms of sasuke. "you don't need them, you don't," sasuke speaks in a reassuring tone, rubbing my back. my mind was too focused on this new feeling to even respond. i think i like this much better than being high. we stay like that for what? thirty minutes or so before sasuke tells me i need to eat something. i watch him leave to go into my kitchen and prepare us food and the feeling of that high still remains. i always got that feeling around him and it made me sometimes think i didn't need the drugs.

this was the first time sasuke and i had ever had meaningful physical contact and it was like i'd been dosed up on a thousand of those pills. i lay on the floor, tears still rolling down the sides of my face as i stare up at my ceiling. i smile a little, as i think back to what shikamaru told me, "naruto, he totally likes you, he looks at you like you're an angel or some shit," maybe there's a possibility someone like him could like someone like me. my thoughts are quickly cut off by sasukes figure hovering over me. "why're you smiling?" he frowns, sitting beside me. i turn to gaze up at him, closing my eyes for a few seconds. "i love you sasuke," i mumble. and maybe i told him that because i was still high off of the pills and from the new reoccurring feeling, or maybe because i actually meant it, but i had no regrets speaking those words to him. i could see his face turn a shade of pink as he looked away, "you're high," he responds back, handing me a bowl of ramen. my favorite. i sit up, shaking my head. why doesn't he believe my words? their spoken out of honesty. "i love you sasuke," i say again, leaning closer to him. "naruto stop speaking nonsense and eat," he says in a demanding voice.

"why won't you say it back?" i frown. "because, you're high and you're not thinking straight right now. just eat and stop talking," he says quietly. "i'm not high." "you are, your eyes are bloodshot red." "i'm not high." sasuke turns and glares at me, "shut up naruto," he says angrily. i've never seen him so upset before. it was sorta scary. nonetheless, i nod and turn away. i don't care anyways, why would he love me?