user not found | b.e

seventeen

tw- panic attack/flashback

"hey eilish, hey pretty girl"

yay.

z is walking towards us and is definitely high.

she smells of alcohol and their pupils are the size of saucers which makes me believe what I witnessed in the vintage store was definitely to do with drugs.

"what's going on here? yall look cosy as hell"

"we're just talking dude" billies jaw clenches and I know she's irritated. "why don't you go and find some girl to fuck and we'll catch up with you"

"oooh you'd like that, wouldn't you?"

"what the fuck are you talking about?"

"trying to make me leave when I invited sage here" z glances over to me with a smirk. "but I looks like you're trying to fuck with my girl which isn't cool"

my girl?

there's no way I am getting in the middle of this.

"z you're wasted" billie stands up, stepping closer to z. "so im gonna give you five seconds to get out of my face"

im praying they don't start fighting.

ive never been in the middle of anything like this and I don't like it.

"hey relax man, bros before hoes, right?"

wait did z just call me a hoe?

a group call out to z and they look up, waving to them she'll be with them in a moment.

"catch you later pretty girl"

z marches off and billie groans, sitting beside me again.

"they're such a fucking idiot sometimes" billie grumbles, running her fingers through her hair.

im just relieved that they're gone and there wasn't a fight.

but with the look on billies face, I doubt this is over.

I hear a woosh and a loud bang and I look over to see someone setting a fire in a large pit, everyone standing around laughing and talking.

they're standing so close with alcohol I have a bad feeling something is gonna happen.

billie stands up and pulls me to my feet, shaking her head. "when will they learn?"

"what's the matter?"

"the fire" billie points, glancing over. "they always stand too close with their drinks, they get drunk and start throwing shit in. the fire gets too big, the cops are called and it's like a fucking bat signal. 'hey the party full of underage kids is right here!' almost every fucking time"

but it's not just the fire who's got everyone yelling.

something else is happening and I point over to where people are lifting z up high way too close to the fire.

the fire is sparking around them but z doesn't seem to care, nor do they seem to notice that they could fall into the fire any second.

"hey!" z shouts loudly and I realise she's got a bottle of whiskey in their hand.

please don't do what I think they're gonna do.

billie grabs tightly onto my forearm and pulls me back and I wince.

but im not there.

my brain flashes me back to being fifteen and im standing in my living room after walking home from school.

my dad is yelling and there's blood dripping on the floor and my ears are ringing.

I look down at my barefoot and see the blood dripping on my painted toenails and I scream.

I squeeze my eyes shut and when I open them again I see my docs standing on grass.

"princess" billie is stood in-front of me, saying my name and shaking me.

I swallow but my throat feels like it's full of thorns.

"sage, look at me" I can feel my eyes filling up with tears and I don't want to humiliate myself more by crying in-front of billie.

billie squeezes my forearms and the memory flashes through again, hard.

I can feel fingertips on my head but I sqeeze my eyes shut, wanting to rid the memory.

please, please, please.

"im okay, im okay" I repeat with a whisper and billie finally lets go of me.

I hate this.

I hate my brain and the memory which floors me.

I hate remembering it after such a long time of having no flashbacks.

z and everyone are still yelling and z is holding the whiskey above the fire, teasing the flames like it won't blow in-front of their face if she's not careful.

z drops the bottle and BOOM.

I cover my ears with my hands and billie pulls me into her, pressing my head against her chest.

I hear the screams and yells and im shaking and billie is holding me and I don't know if im crying or breathing or if im even alive.

I don't care because I can't smell fire anymore, all I can smell is billie.

all I can feel is billie.

she's pulling me away from her but I don't want to ever let go.

she's trying to say something and I open my eyes and see the blue and red flashing lights.

"sage, we've gotta go, now"

fuck.

okay so i'll be going into detail on sage's flashback later on.

if i've triggered/upset you at any point, my dms are open.

i love you guys.