user not found | b.e

thirty

billie seems a little distant.

ever since her parents left, I was expecting her to bounce back and she has.

but only around other people.

when I see her in the moments she's alone, or we're alone, I see her face fall and the light drain from her eyes.

I keep thinking I should say something or do something to her her.

but I have no idea what will make her feel better.

she told me she'll be okay, she's just really close with her parents and them travelling so much is hard.

she just looks so tired.

when I talk to harry about it before I lose my mind, he tells me not to push her too hard.

im not a pushy person but I would never want to do anything to push her away.

im just grateful she's alive and still talking to me.

although I'd give anything to have the billie back who kept arguing with me.

kai says the same thing, explaining that this always happens when patrick and maggie leave again.

I just don't like the thought of her alone in that house.

I just keep worrying.

kai has started picking me up every morning before work and we buy starbucks.

luckily, they'd only sprained their wrist but I didn't stop kai from telling me the story of why they fell down the stairs and what they did with art all night.

in almost every single detail.

they're literally my best friend I have no idea what I have to do without them.

but sometimes i don't really need details of what positions they tried with art.

a couple of weeks after billies parents left, im awakened by my phone constantly buzzing.

who is trying to text me this early?

my first reaction is to panic but then I read the messages.

billie: wake up
billie: babyyy
billie: come on baby answer your texts
billie: it's not even that early
billie: ill give you head?
billie: BABYYYY
billie: im leaving soon

sage: what's going on?

billie: im picking you up
billie: be ready in twenty

sage: what do I need to wear

billie: nothing

sage: .....

billie: FINE I GUESS YOU CAN PUT SOME CLOTHES

sage: what are we even doing?

billie: you remember that checklist we spoke about?
billie: im taking you to watch the sunset

im so excited I leap out of bed.

I told billie all of the things I wanted to do with my future girlfriend and watching the sunset was one of them.

it's romantic and something ive been craving with billie for the longest time.

she hasn't taken me on a date in a long time.

and I haven't wanted to organise a date just in case she didn't want too.

I send kai a quick text letting them know I don't think we'll be able to go out for breakfast this morning.

and I wasn't expecting a reply but I get one almost instantly.

kai: dudeeeee
kai: I really need a chat right now

sage: is everything okay??

kai: I just want to talk to you

normally, id say yeah, sure.

but I haven't properly seen billie alone in weeks.

when I quietly step outside it's still dark outside.

billie is parked down the street and I climb into her car, sabrina claudio playing softly in the background.

"hi baby, are you ready?"

"yes of course, were you awake?"

"I haven't really been sleeping"

"why haven't you told me?"

"it's nothing I promise, im okay"

I see the deep bags under her eyes but chose not to say anything because she obviously doesn't want too.

I lay my head against the rest while she drives and the slow music and sounds of the car is sending me back to sleep.

"baby" an arm gently shakes me and I blink my eyes open.

when I look around it seems like we're on a hill and the sun is starting to rise.

"come on princess, I brought us blankets"

even though it always gets super hot in la, it's super cold in the mornings so im glad she brought blankets.

billie outs a blanket down and we sit down together Andi tuck myself beside her, wrapped under the blankets.

she smells so good.

"do you come out here alone?"

"sometimes, I suppose it depends how im sleeping. but no, I haven't been for a while"

"why haven't you been sleeping?"

"im really close with my parents and I always hate when they leave. im usually okay with being alone but it's been a while since I've seen them. ill be okay, I just miss them"

"im sorry my love" I grab onto my hand and rub the back of her hand with my thumb. "do they come home often?"

"it depends, sometimes they can be gone a few months and others, a week or so. my mom said they'll be coming home next month for a few weeks so it's gonna be so nice"

billie rests her head on my shoulder and I rest mine on top of hers, listening to the sounds of the wakening traffic and billies slow breathing.

together we sit in silence and watch the sunrise, cuddled up together under the blankets.

even after the sun rises, we stay sat there and just sit in one another's company.

"I gotta get you to work baby"

"I know, I just-"I turn to look at her "I just don't wanna leave"

"im sure ten more minutes won't hurt" billie smiles and kisses me, climbing onto my lap.

I hold onto her and kiss her back, my whole body on fire.

we only have a few minutes but I don't mind spending the last few minutes with her lips ontop of mine.

after all, her lips on mine is one of my favourite things in the world.