Fade To White - Sequel to Fade To Black

Battlefields

Trigger warning: heads up! racism, murder and sexual situations

I crawled on my hands and knees over dead men that i had just seen drinking happily together an hour ago. I shielded my head from horse hooves that grazed over me as i played dead every time the canon shot-blasted through the lines. Itchy grass left tiny scratches all over my face and hands and the rifle laid across my back felt like bricks. All at once the battle ended in an explosion of canons and bullets that rained over me and killed more men.

I covered my ears as the ground shook and men cried out for mercy, for their mothers, or for the God that could not be found on a massacre like today. Once everything was quiet I peered over and saw General Porting, the man I was ordered to kill today, somehow, no matter what. I crawled forward to him as i heard him groan, his hand over a wound on his thigh.

"Are you alright General?" I feigned concern. The blood from his wound began to spill over and stream down his fingers. He winced.

"Sawyer! You made it out alive on your first day! I'm alright! Just a bullet in the leg. Could you get the doctor?" He pleaded. Looking at the wound, i wasn't sure they'd have to amputate it. I wasn't going to take that chance. This particular General was famous for boasting about his abuses of his slaves on his Tennessee plantation. He sickened me and maybe i would feel no remorse.

"Shit. Those nigger lovers can shoot though. I'll give 'em that!" No. Definitely no remorse. I shoved his hand away and pressed my thumb into the wound and he howled. "What the hell do you think you're doing!?" He bellowed and writhed. I reached into my breast pocket and took the little Arkansas toothpick i'd found in my tent and held it to his throat.

"This is for my wife and kids." I said and quickly cut his throat. Adrenaline coursed through my veins and i sat up instantly, my hands shaking. I remember many year ago vowing to never kill another human being because i hated the way it made me feel. It made me feel like i was floating. It was strangely exhilarating and sickening all at one. The smoke was only beginning to clear so I knew no one else had seen me. I sat in that field of death hearing the gurgles and screams of men and knew the others were following their orders.

They had piled up the dead and i glanced at General Porting being added to the pile as one of the doctors stitched up a cut on my forehead. I saw some of my men as well, a few were hurt but not too bad. A broken rib or two at the most. I left with the rest of us that survived back to the camp where dinner was almost ready and they passed out whisky like it was water. I sat around the makeshift fire watching a dragonfly fly circles around me until Harry Dovell came to me. "General Carter's asked for a meeting in our tent." He said. I got up, shooing away the dragonfly and joined the group in the tent, taking a seat on my wooden cot.

General Carter took a sip from his flask and pursed his lips with pleasure as the whiskey burned his throat. "I've got good news!" He said proudly, slapping a hand on my shoulder and squeezing it. " Four Confederate Generals killed in battle!" He snickered. "Who finished 'em? Show me your hands!" He smiled. I raised mine and he saluted me as if to say, of course you did Sawyer, i already knew. "You boys are better soldiers than those so-called Generals. Keep doing what you're doing and this war will be over faster than we thought. But there is some bad news . . . ," He took another sip from his flask and his face went grim. "We've lost almost 8,000 men today. We're not enough men together to stand a fight alone so the Colonel has informed me we're to join the Atlanta Campaign. There's a big fight brewing and more Generals will be there. More opportunities, yes, but more chances to get caught. If we're caught we all die. Remember that." We were all quiet, our moral had now died and the General looked over our sullen faces. "Well cheer up! Drink, find a girl, do something!" He growled and I rushed out of the tent.