Fade To White - Sequel to Fade To Black

Love on the Line, Love on the Mind

Clementine borrowed pen and ink from Liza, gripping the thick paper tightly as if trying to squeeze out the words to write. She wanted to write to Jackson, reassure him that everything was fine, she had arrived safely at his sister's house. But had she really arrived? She felt more lost than ever, sitting in the sheltered, cozy upstairs room, sequestered from George. His room was safely down the hall, and there was no reason at all for her to speak to him. 

Clementine tried to clear her head, putting pen to paper. She couldn't think of anything to write, a blob of black ink spreading into the paper. Actually, Clementine couldn't think of just one thing to say.  A knock on the door saved her from thinking too hard- she felt compelled to spill out everything to Jackson and she knew that wouldn't have been wise. "Yes?" Clementine asked. 

"It's Liza. May I come in?" She asked softly from behind the door. Clementine opened the door and saw Liza standing there, her eyebrows knitted together in worry but an underlying desire for the truth lurked behind her murky green eyes. 

"Yes, Liza? Was there something wrong?" Clementine asked, inviting Liza to sit on the bed. 

"Well . . . actually, yes. I noticed that you and George seemed rather strange. Did something happen between you two?" She looked coldly into Clementine's face as if summoning out the truth herself. Meanwhile, Clemy sat stiffly on the edge of the bed, worried that she would actually take the opportunity to get everything off her mind. Clementine seemed distracted and Liza could't help herself, pressing the matter further. 

 "Clemy?" 

"Liza, if i tell you, do you swear to never say a thing. It's not that i don't trust you but that i must be sure! You understand, right?" 

Liza took Clemy's hand's in her's. "Of course. I swear i won't tell a soul. Spit it out, it looks like it's eating at your insides.' Liza couldn't have been more right, Clementine thought. Clementine gave her sister-in-law a wide-eyed stare before taking a huge breath and 'spitting' it out. 

"I didn't think much of anything when we had brought George in for the first week or so. I told you all that in the letter, remember? Well, i haven't told you much about me and Jackson. You see, we haven't been getting along lately." Liza looked confused by what she was hearing. "Maybe it was just me. I've been feeling lonely all the time, Jackson was always too busy. He always kept himself busy as if he didn't want to spend time with me. I was mad. When George came, he offered me something Jackson wasn't. He believed in me and everything i wanted to do. I guess that's why he's here now." 

"But-" Liza interrupted, trying to get Clemy back on track before she got lost in her thoughts.

"But once George and I planned this trip and i made it impossible for Jackson to stop us, George and I became confidants- we could help each other and nobody could tell us no. Then something happened . . .  I was changing George's bandage, it was looking so much better and I told him so. He thanked me, it was sweet of him, the way he took my hands and told me so sincerely- it was a warm feeling that i hadn't felt from Jackson. I knew i needed to get out of the house, i needed to actually follow after something i wanted. I knew that George could help me but i didn't think it would turn out like this. . ."

"Like what Clemy?" Liza asked, a warm hand on Clemy's back. It looked as though Clementine was choking on words, or that she was afraid to say them. It was both, it seemed, when she began to cry, hot sticky tears. She buried her face in her hands and hunched over into her body, hiding herself, her shame.

"We kissed." Clementine muttered, barely audible, but loud enough for Liza to hear.  Liza reproached instantly and the rush of rejection and disgust washed over Clementine as she felt Liza distance herself, sitting on the opposite end of the bed. It was Liza's turn to start crying, in utter disbelief. Was this the same Clemy that had raised her and Mary? Was it the same girl who was so in love with their brother that she would have died if he had ever left? Liza didn't know, but this wasn't like Clemy. "I'm so sorry Liza."