Fade To White - Sequel to Fade To Black

A Knock At The Door

I woke up in a daze, my vision blurry as my eyes adjusted to the dark. I sat up in bed, fumbling around for a match. Blindly, my fingers rested on a small match and I lit it, lighting the lamp, the room illuminated. I looked to my right, the bed empty again. It still felt odd that Clementine was gone. It had already been five days since she had left and I  couldn't help but count the days, hours and minutes since her departure. I couldn't sleep tonight, the air hot and suffocating. I pulled the blankets off of me and laid back down again, trying to close my eyes. 

Nothing seemed to work. I sat up again , this time crossing the room. There had to be a way I could talk to her- know she's alright. If I could find some piece of mind in all of this maybe I could finally sleep. I would wake up in the early hours of the morning, my hand searching in the empty space Clementine usually occupied. Each time I could feel the pit in my stomach, and the familiar sense of abandonment- like Clementine had been taken away from me once again.

With Clemy's absence, i spent a lot of time thinking about our marriage and our children. Everyday I wake up and sit across the table from the twins and I feel proud of them, and my heart aches because i love them, and yet i realize that my whole family, if we were to be discovered, could be ruined in an instant. I always felt as though i was walking on egg shells, always thinking about the consequences.

Now, sitting in the dark, the only thing i can think about is Clemy's well-being. I think back on what she said about feeling trapped. I wanted to take her by her shoulders and shake her- tell her that by keeping her inside, hidden away, she would be by my side, safe and sound. But she had left, with a stranger nonetheless, out into the world i had tried so desperately to hide my family from. I had failed, i concluded, and Clementine had broken free. I had no way of knowing she was okay or if she would be coming back home to our house, our family. But i had to tell myself she would just for the sake of being able to go on each day.

 The new addition to the household, Sara, added a bit more excitement to our lives. In appreciation of our hospitality Sara took it upon herself to take care of the meals, housework, and laundry. She did everything Clementine did and more. She made the beds and watered the garden, cleaned the chicken coop, and dusted the parlor. I wasn't complaining and i knew that Wes and Annabelle enjoyed her company.

I sat and stared out of the window until the sun rose, my eyelids finally growing heavy again only now I couldn't sleep. I stretched out and got dressed, heading downstairs. I was sure the children were still sleeping so I thought maybe I would help Sara with the breakfast- it's the least I could do. I rounded the corner into the kitchen and saw Sara whipping something up.  I knocked on the wall next to me, alarming her that I was in the room. She turned around and smiled brightly.

"Good morning Jackson! How did you sleep?" She asked, beating the batter expertly, blowing the fluffy white flour off her nose. I grimaced at her question, chuckling darkly to myself.

"Fine. I slept fine," I lied. "You?" I asked her.

"Fine as well. I got up a few hours earlier to make a nice breakfast for the twins. It's such a special day for them!" She clapped her hands together musingly. She then crossed the room to the pantry, gathering more ingredients. What was she talking about a special day?

"Sara...? What are you talking about?" I asked, this time a bit embarrassed.

"It's the twin's twelfth birthday today! Surely you didn't forget?" Sara's eyes grew wide when she realized I had forgotten and guilt washed over me. I must have forgotten the days, even though that's what I seemed to be doing half the time. I was so distracted by worry I hadn't even remembered my own children's birthday. I covered my eyes with my hand, sighing heavily. My body felt heavy and empty.  "You must be eating yourself from the inside out. You don't look to good. I guess you really are worried sick." She said. She quickly dampened a towel and draped it over my forehead. At first I was reluctant but the cool rag woke me up, rejuvenating me in a way.