"Bea, what's going on? You're scaring me," I said, following her down the hall, but she shook her head.
"We just need to talk," she said, and I felt my brow furrow as she stopped outside of Paul's room.
"What are we--"
"I'll explain everything once we're inside," she snapped, digging through her pocket before pulling out a room key, and I felt an uneasy sensation well up in the pit of my stomach as she unlocked the door.
She had a key to his room. Why? Surely she wasn't--surely they weren't--no. Paul would never do that to me. He knew I was dating Bea, he'd never be seeing her behind my back. Right?
"Beatrice--"
She grabbed my wrist, yanking me inside and shutting the door behind me. "Look around the room. Check and make sure it's empty," she said, staring intently at me.
Unnerved by her gaze, I slowly walked through the room and the attached bathroom, checking any possible place that a human could potentially squeeze themselves into before coming to the undeniable conclusion that it was just the two of us.
"So Paul isn't here and you've got a key to his room. What is this supposed to tell me? What's going on?" I asked.
"Wait here," she said, turning and walking toward the bathroom.
One of her feet had crossed the threshold before she turned and ran back over to me, giving me a kiss.
"Just...just in case," she murmured.
"Just in case what?!" I cried, but she had already shut the door.
I stood there staring at the door, heart beating so fast I could feel it thudding against my ribs, filling my head with its dull sound. A sick, numb feeling was spreading through my body as I stared at the shut bathroom door, terrified she'd walk out a moment later with a positive pregnancy test. I couldn't think of what else would have her so on edge, of what else would have made her so desperate to track me down so quickly.
My breathing was shaky and I did my best to keep it steady and even, trying to stay calm. I just wanted an explanation, I wanted things to be okay.
The knob turned and I stiffened, holding my breath and waiting. With the creak of unoiled hinges, the bathroom door opened and I found myself staring at Paul.
"I don't understand," I said. "How did you get here? Where's Bea?"
There was a pause as he looked at me, biting his lip, before he sighed and dropped his gaze. "I'm...I'm Bea," he said quietly.
A nervous laugh escaped me before I could stop myself and I shook my head. "That's not possible. You're obviously not her, you're...you're you, clearly."
"I got...I got pills, to change myself into her. One to change to her, one to change back to myself. I'm almost out though, I've only got one pill to change into the other body and none to change back to myself, but-but if you want to, I'll change, I'll stay as her, in that body, we can just run away from it all, we can just be happy, or you can stay in the band, I'll disappear, you'll be able to find a replacement," he said, walking the few steps between us and grabbing my hands, giving me that same wild-eyed look that Bea had when she had asked me to run away with her too.
"You're lying," I sputtered out at last.
"I'm not, I promise you I'm not. Ask me something that only she would know, ask me something about our dates, I'll be able to answer it," he said, practically begging me to believe him.
"That's why...the band-aid on your shoulder...your tattoo...you always had one whenever we..." I said slowly, horrified at the pieces that were slowly falling into place, feeling sick as I realized that everything I had done with Bea, I had really done with Paul.
"It would give it away, I-I didn't want to tell you so early on, but...but you realized it, didn't you? I mean...you asked me what my dream date was, and that was the next date that we had. You did that on purpose, r-right?" he asked, still holding my hands.
I kept staring at him, trying to comprehend what he had just told me.
"Why did you do this?" I choked out at last.
"Because...because I love you, I have for years, and I thought that if I told you how I felt you'd hate me and-and it would ruin our friendship but you love me back, I always had the same personality when I was Beatrice, just a different name and face, that's all! You love me, right?" he asked, fear starting to well up in his eyes, begging me to just say yes. "I can turn into Bea, I can stay as her, if that's what you want! I'll do it if you want!"
"Where's the pill?" I asked finally, and he led me into the bathroom, handing me a bottle that had a single pale red pill rattling around in the bottom.
I unscrewed the cap, shaking the pill out into my hand, and before Paul could say anything, I tipped it into the sink and down the drain.
"No! Why did you do that?!" he shrieked. "We could've--"
"Why the hell would I want to be with you?!" I shouted, anger bubbling up inside of me as I finally managed to process everything that had happened and that he had told me. "You just--you just spent months lying to me! You--you--what the fuck is wrong with you?!"
"But I--I thought--you love me," he said in a small voice. "You said you loved me."
"No! I said that I loved Beatrice, who isn't you! I don't love you!"
"That's not true! I-I am her, we're the same person, it was just my personality, it was just me in a different body, that's all, I-I promise!" he said, trying to grab my hands again, pleading with me to listen, to believe him, to just admit that I loved him.
"I don't love you," I said, voice shaking. "I don't love you. I loved a woman named Selma Beatrice Ell--"
I faltered, connecting more dots, and spit out a curse. "Dammit! You even used the same fucking initials as your old name! What the hell is wrong with you?!"
"I w-just--"
"Save it," I said, shoving him away from me. "I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear from you ever again."
"No, no Gene please don't, please don't say that, please, I--"
I tuned him out, storming toward the door, feeling his long fingers grab my arm, trying desperately to pull me to a halt, still begging me to listen, to stop and think, to realize I loved him. Chest heaving, I pushed his hands off of me, slamming the door to his room shut behind me, walking down the hall to my own room.
Unsure if he was actually going to try and follow, I still nonetheless locked the door to my room behind me. There was a pause as I stood there, anger starting to fade to shock and hurt. Trembling, I stumbled over to my bed, laying down under the covers and beginning to cry.
