Bucket Hat

Voicemails

His phone rings and rings, then I hear a voicemail option in Korean. It's like six or seven at fucking night over there. His ass isn't sleeping! Once I hear the beep to start my message I spew out everything I've been holding inside me the past two months.

Hey, it's Ella. You might remember me....might not. I'm the girl from Chicago that you spit lies to to get her into bed! Well, I just called to tell you that I'm not hurt anymore that you never contacted me after you left. I'm just pissed now because I see you for who you really are. A lying player who lies to get fans into bed. You probably think fans are the easiest right? I mean, we love you already. Well guess what?! I don't love you anymore and you are SOOOOO not my bias anymore either asshole! Oh, and whoever pissed on your Cheerios the past month and has you all sad and emo now...well GOOD! I hope she really did a number on you and broke your filthy lying heart. Did you cry your fake ass crocodile tears to her too or did she cry them to you? You know what, I don't even care. Fuck off Jeon Jungkook!

I hit the end button with force and throw my phone on the couch. "AHHHHH!!!!! FUCKING JUNGKOOK!!! GET OUT OF MY HEAD YOU PIECE OF SHIT!!!" I scream into the air trying to relieve some of this pent up anger I'm feeling. I take a deep breath and steadily walk up to my room. I throw myself on my bed, hoping to get some sleep now that I've finally let it all out to him. But I lay there and feel.....empty. Just as I've felt the past two months. I bring my knees up to my chest and curl into a ball. And that's how I fell asleep, after my tears also helped lull me again at how stupid I am.

I wake up and look around. It's dark out. Oh wow! I climb out of bed and shuffle to the kitchen to get some water. My throat is dry. After gulping down half a bottle of water in one go I check the time. 8:30pm. Welp, my day is gone but I needed that sleep. I grab a box of crackers and go to the couch to watch something on tv. As I'm grabbing the afghan from the back of the couch I see my phone I threw earlier. I grab it and sit down. I turn on the tv to some show I've never seen and turn the volume down, using it for background noise. I open my phone, not knowing exactly what I plan to do on it. But when I open the screen it's flooded with texts and missed calls. All from the same number. His number. My heart starts racing and I feel my whole body start shaking. He's probably pissed and telling you off. Did you really think you meant anything to him? You just annoyed him. I shake away all the thoughts flooding my mind and I show my face to open my phone and open the texts first. Fourteen texts from him while I was sleeping. Whoa. I open them, one at a time, and they all read pretty much the same way.

Ella. Please answer your phone. Let me talk to you about this. You have things wrong.

Ella please don't ignore me. Give me a chance to explain things.

Ella please. I am begging you to answer your phone.

Please just let me explain everything with you.

They all go on like this, in the same manner. I get that knot in my throat and I will myself not to cry. I don't want to cry over him anymore. I got into my calls and he has called twelve times and has left three voicemails. I'm terrified to hear them. Just hearing his voice again will bother me. I'm too curious what he said though and I go to the first voicemail, with a shaky hand, and hit play.

Ella. Umm...it's Jungkook. I don't really know what to say to you. I listened to your message......Is this what you really think of me? Do you really think I said those things to get you to bed? That's just not true Ella. I don't know why you are thinking like this now. I thought our time together....and our night together, was something special and beautiful. It meant so much to me. I meant every word I said. None of what you are thinking is right. Please answer my call so we can talk about it. Please?