Hope

Chapter 15

I was in a haze the entire car ride, even as we got off, my breathing had become ragged. I just wanted the ground to open up and swallow me whole, not because I was embarrassed or mortified by anything.

I was just scared.

The thing is even if I pretend to not care and put on a brave face, my fatigue would crack in an instant. That's just how terrifying the people who surrounded me were. It was useless to be bold in front of them.

I'm covered in winter wear from head to toe. I cannot sustain the cold, I don't have the health for it. I've spent years of my life here in cold but I was never built for it. As we got out of the car I could feel a familiar feeling blossoming in me.

Feeling of dread rather than a sense of belonging.

My hands kept shaking. I wanted someone to hold me. Jason's house was just upfront, secured in a good neighborhood. All I had to do was take a few steps and I'd be away from my brothers. But even doing that seemed like an impossible task. After the conversation in the car, it felt like we had drifted apart a little. And I felt hurt. They wouldn't look at me or talk to me. I get it everything that happened, is something that I can't know. But how was it my fault? The way they talked with others seemed anything but pleasant. Safe to say we all needed our space right now.

we stood there awkwardly. Dexter kept rubbing his hands and Leo kept looking around with a guarded look. Like he was surveying the surroundings.

Aless. He clenched his jaw looking at the phone with burning rage. I shuddered. Hope in the upcoming years there's never a day that anger is directed toward me.

I think stubbornness runs in the family. No one was saying a word. And after what seemed like hours but were only a few minutes, I opened my mouth.

"So I'm gonna go"

"Uh...Sure" Dexter smiled. I smiled back. They made their way to the car, hesitantly. I waited for them to leave.

I barely visited Jason's house, so I always tried to picture it in my mind now and then because I loved this place. Here I never felt like my heart was in my hand, even if it was for a short moment I felt peace and it was a true gift for me.

The snow had settled on the rooftop of the house and the garden was dead too. I walked the path to his house and rang the doorbell, telling myself that it was okay to be afraid. As I stood, it felt like the longest coldest winter I had ever experienced. Was it okay to miss someone so much?. I wanted to see Jason, his ginger hair and the freckles across his face. It sounded like I was in love with him, truly I wasn't. For a moment it felt like he would make me forget all my problems just by holding me.

My thoughts scattered when I heard footsteps, my heart kept thumping similar to the sound I could hear coming closer. I was freezing or maybe just very nervous, either way, I was shaking.

When the door opened I saw him, the one that I had left behind. Relief flooded through his eyes as he saw me. I try not to be upset or start crying, but a single tear fell down my cheek, It didn't take a moment. We ran into each other's arms hugging tightly. 

I could see he felt relieved too, his shoulders sagged the same way they did when I came to school without a bruise, I hugged him back tightly as if I was scared of letting him go.

He laughed painfully. I looked up tears welling up in my own eyes as I saw him crying. 

"I want to punch you in the face", he said voice trembling. The cold air made me shiver.

"You shouldn't have left. N-not without coming here first"

"I know" I replied "I'm sorry"

"You don't understand, I rushed to your house when I heard the news" He let go of me. His eyes were filled with worry and they were puffy. He sniffled. "You weren't there I mean you weren't out god and I thought something terrible had happened I thought it was already too late to save you".