Book One 💜
"I promise it's the little things that you do
That make me wanna give it all to you
You know I do, baby"
Being a part of the MCU is a big deal but when you're already well known and have no filter it can cause for a mess of things to hap...
"It's been a minute since I had something so sweet"
Alex's POV Tom has been taking good care of me these past couple of days but I just felt smothered. I love Tom, I love him more than anything else in this world but I wish I had space. He watched me like I was going to break or something.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that I wanted to be alone especially since he flew all the way back to America just for me. I just let him do what he did. We were currently laying together watching Disney movies and honestly I wish I could tell him to leave and give me some space.
"I'm no fun right now" he kissed my head "you're grieving Alex" he knew just what to say. It's like he was perfectly designed for me! I didn't want to hurt him or our relationship I just needed space. As of late he was more like my dad than my boyfriend.
"I'm gonna go to bed" I stood up and walked away from him hoping he wouldn't follow me. How do you tell the one person who wants to be around you that's you don't want to be around them?
Harley was supposed to text me when she got up and since it was 8 here she should be waking up soon. She was basically living in England now with Thomas. She had offered to fly back here and move back into her old room but i told her no mostly because I turned her old room into my closet.
Tom walked through the door and laid next to me. My phone rang and I quickly grabbed it answering. Toulouse ran in the room and jumped on our bed "hey Harls" she smiled and I stood up "Tom I'm just going to go outside" he smiled and started playing with Toulouse.
When I made it outside I sighed feeling relief. "Harley how do I tell Tom I want him to leave?" She looked shocked "Alex its 8 am right now I don't need you tell me you want to break up with him right now" I sighed "no I don't wanna break up! I want him to leave so I don't break up with him!" Harley stopped eating her fruit salad.
"Alex I'm not sure I follow" she stabbed a strawberry putting it in her mouth "I haven't you heard that saying 'Absence makes the heart grow fonder?' Well I need Tom to be gone so I don't end up yelling at him or worse breaking up" Harley sighed "Alex only you can tell you what to do because only you can feel you... does that make sense?" I laughed.
"I'm a weird way yes. Harley I just think I'm breaking his heart by having him here. I have dreams about Mac almost every night, I cry over him almost everyday! Harley he won't admit it like every but I am hurting him and I can't stand his pain! I bet he thinks I rather be with Mac than him right now!"
Harley's face fell "he's been really understanding but... I can tell he's hurting! I'm the cause of his pain and that hurts me even more. I just feel like a shitty person but what am I supposed to do?" Harley swallowed another strawberry before speaking "if you can't bring yourself to ask him to leave then maybe you should wait till he goes out write and not and then go home to your mom".
I sighed "Harley you want me to Ghost him?" "I mean what other choice do you have Alex? You refuse to break up with him and you refuse to ask him to leave so his ghost him for a while" I felt my eyes prick only this time for the first time these tears weren't for Mac they were for Tom.
No matter what I did I was bound to break his heart. I looked down at my engagement ring. Tom loved me more than anything I just wish I could be perfect instead he ended up with a girl with a whole lot of baggage. "Thanks Harls I'll call you when I get up" she smiled "ok I love you Alex" "I love you more".
I hung up and then went back to our bedroom. "How's Harley?" "She's happy" Tom smiled and I kissed his lips. "Tom will you hold me tonight?" He nodded and did just as I asked. I grabbed my phone and went onto Instagram for the first time in days.
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Itsalexactually: i adored you from the day i met you when i was nineteen and i always will. i can't believe you aren't here anymore. i really can't wrap my head around it. we talked about this. so many times. i'm so mad, i'm so sad i don't know what to do. you were my dearest friend. for so long. above anything else. i'm so sorry i couldn't fix or take your pain away. i really wanted to. the kindest, sweetest soul with demons he never deserved. i hope you're okay now. Rest. 🖤 25,243,639 Views Liked by tomholland2013 & others Comments on this post have been turned off
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I woke up to see that Tom wasn't here. I quickly got ready and started packing. My tummy had knots in it definitely because of what I was about to do. I grabbed my suitcase and started packing. "Alright I think that's everything!" I zipped my suitcase up and sighed "yo Alex are you—
I looked up to see him standing in the doorway. We locked eyes and I saw that his were filling with confusion "what's going on?" I sighed "Tom I'm leaving" I saw the hurt behind his eyes "wait are we...? Are you— "no I'm not breaking up with you it's just.. Tom I love you I do it's just I need space!"
I could tell my words were going over in his head "is this— "this has nothing to do with you Tom! This is all me! I love I just need some space" I could tell Tom was still in shock. "Please say something" he walked in the room and sat down on the bed. "Alex I don't want you to leave me" I felt the tears starting to come in.
"I'm not leaving and this isn't a break! I just think we need to be in different places! We can call everyday and text I just... it's just I can't stand to look at you while I'm hurting you!" "Alex you aren't hurting me"
"Tom I know you're not going to admit it but I am hurting you! I cry over him almost every night! I dream of him... Tom you've been... you are so good to me but it's not fair! I can't keep putting you through this but I swear we will get through this!"
"I saw Tom's eyes glaze over "Alex I love you so much" I walked over to him and grabbed his face "I know and I love you too" we kissed and Tom's tears fell "but we should break up" my heart sank.
"Tom no! No I don't want to break up I jus— "Alex I love you and I'm always going to love you! I can't handle this. What you want is to take a break but everyone knows that taking a break just means you want to put off the inevitable" I shock my head no.
"No that is not true! I don't want to break up I love you!" He stood up and I followed suit "Tom please!" "You don't have to leave Alex" he grabbed his suitcase "I'll go" I grabbed his arm "don't! Please don't!" "Alex be honest... have you thought about breaking up?"
I looked away from him because it was true I had thought about it but what else can I do? "You're right... just promise me we'll stay friends?" Tom walked over to me and kissed my forehead.
"Take care of yourself Ally, I'll see you on set Monday" I felt like I had both been shot and a weight lifted off of me. "See you Monday".
I heard him talking to Toulouse before leaving. I finally broke down and cried. I wasn't sure what I was crying for right now I just knew I was crying for all my loses. I went downstairs and grabbed the full Vodka bottle. I popped it open and started drinking it straight from the bottle.
"I'll just use my covers to stay warm tonight. Hmm I'll just use my covers to stay warm tonight" I grabbed the alcohol and ran to go find my song book.
