The person you used to be {EiMiko highschool au}

#3 | A dumb project

‼️MAJOR TW: SH, ED, DISSOCIATION, GENERAL MENTAL ILLNESS, IMPLIED ABUSE‼️
ALSO STRONG LANGUAGE.

Days where Ei was so upset she could hardly function were hard when all she wanted to do was curl up and cry. Days where she was tired of everything and wanted to punch anyone who spoke.

But she had to keep up her perfect attendance so she dragged herself out of bed and looked at herself in the mirror.
God when did you become such a mess Ei? Look at you. Fresh cuts lined her arms, some still bleeding at the edges, luckily for her the world is full of fakers just like her so people made a thing called makeup. And those ugly cuts could just be covered by a jumper. It wouldn't be a difficult task, Ei had done it countless times before. Some makeup, a neat hairstyle, a jumper and the thing that pulled it all together a stupidly sweet smile. Her stomach ached from skipping meals but she had no plans to listen to it. Her only plans being to go to school, keep up appearances, then go home and pass out on the couch til her mum came home, then she'd go pass out on her bed instead so she didn't get yelled at by her probably-drunk mother.

Ei entered the classroom to find that the only available spot was next to Yae. So much to her annoyance she sat next to Yae.
"Ah Ei, wonderful why don't we continue our conversation from yesterday?" Yae's voice calm and teasing.
"There's nothing to continue," She plainly stated before opening her laptop to her work
"Ah, ok then," just from the way she said that Ei could tell Yae was preparing a new line, "what about the weather, quite hot recently hm?"
Ei knew Yae was referring to her jumper, "I disagree," she paused before continuing, "It's been quite cold according to the statistics"
"Ah really, is that the reason for the jumper?" Ei heard those words and frowned slightly much to Yae's amusement.
"You never stop with your antics do you Yae?" Ei questioned sighing.
"Seeing as you two couldn't manage to focus on the explanation of the project," Ms Ningguang smirked cruelly, "How about I have you two work together?"
Ei hated Ms Ningguang she was one of the only teachers who tried to keep Ei in line as opposed to letting her do whatever.
Ei turned to Yae as the bell rang for recess "Fine whatever, let's just work on it in the library after school."
"Hate to break it to you but it's closed today," Yae sighed, "and my house is being renovated so it's your house,"
"Or-" Ei began.
"I have to go see you after school!" Yae sped out of the classroom giggling.
That bitch, who does she think she is Ei thought to herself.

Ei entered the bathroom and shoved the stall door open before she sat down, her stomach begging for the food it so desperately needed and her head foggy. She dragged off her jumper revealing a mirage of scars and she pulled out a razor. She dragged the razor across her skin as if it was nothing more than paper that needs cutting. She watched intensely as the blood began seeping out the freshly cut skin. Ei didn't care to stop the blood bubbling out the wound, she only cared to watch. It was intoxicating, she didn't think about anything else in that moment, just watched the red liquid. It was freeing.
Time lapsed through and in what seemed like seconds recess was over.

"Hey Ei, we were all looking for you at recess," Sara whispered to Ei, who was sitting at the desk next to her, "where were you?"
Ei paused for a moment to decide on a satisfactory lie, "I was at a meeting for the student council, yea,"
"Oh ok," Sara seemed like she didn't quite believe Ei but didn't have much of a choice. After all Ei basically run the entire school so Sara would have no choice but to believe her. The class dragged on for what felt like years as Ei's arm ached from the wounds that were still bleeding slightly. She could hardly focus on the information being given to her and she couldn't ask for help, she's meant to be perfect. That's what everyone sees her as. That's what she needs to be. She needs to be perfect. She needs to surpass everyone's expectations of her. She absolutely couldn't ask for help, ever.
She hardly heard the bell in her what she could only describe as cloudy mental state but when Sara stood up she followed suit. She ended up spending her whole lunch sitting with Sara and Yoimiya because Ayaka and Ayato were hanging out with their other friends.

"Sara?" Yoimiya whined while fiddling around with her hair that was now out, "do you have a spare hair brush?"
"My dearest Yoimiya," Sara responded before handing her a hairbrush, "your hair comes out everyday, of course I do"
Yoimiya kissed Sara's forehead before rushing off to go fix her hair leaving Sara flustered. Ei couldn't help but giggle a little at the sight of Sara's flushed face and for a second she felt genuinely ok and happy, but only for a second because the bell rang almost immediately after.

Fifth period came and went, almost like a blur. A backdrop of constant motion. Ei wanted to go home and collapse onto her bed. Slip away from this shitty reality. Slip back into the reality where her best friend would walk around with her for hours to make sure she was safe. The one that would hold her in her arms while she slept. Miko was so sly and teased people all the time but when Ei was sad she'd let her curl up in her arms for however long she needed, and now she hated that same girl. But nonetheless she went to a dumb geography class and sat around watching as the clock ticked by and she eventually heard the sound of the the bell and she stood up to leave.

She approached the school bus to go home when she heard a sly voice she'd come to find quite annoying, "alright which bus will get us to your house?"
Fuck. She forgot she had a project to work on.